On Doubt {Mindful Mothering Mondays}

"Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29

Looking at the big picture around here I doubt alot.  I doubt that it's actually possible for one person (me) to educate this many kids.  I doubt that I can actually get dinner on the table every night.  I doubt that I can do all the things laid out before me in a day.  Mostly I doubt that Jesse and I can combat the messages of the world with the Truth.   Thankfully we have been blessed with a solid family, morally sound friends, and an amazing Faith community.  But still I doubt.

Everyday I grow more grateful for our Faith, for the richness and support it provides us, for the moral compass and for the Grace.  When the world says "having a large family is irresponsible and your kids will suffer" our Faith says "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."
Psalm 127: 3-5
When the world says marriage is little more than a legal contract and if you aren't fulfilled it's OK to look elsewhere our Faith teaches the marriage is a sacrament designed to bring the husband and the wife closer to God.  Our job as spouses is to get the other one to Heaven.  This takes humility, patience, love, and so much more.  It's a daily commitment that sometimes leaves you feeling full of joy and peace but other days empty and alone.  All along God is there to lean on, guide, and comfort, though. 

I have decided that most people sell themselves short.  I hear, almost daily, "I could never...(homeschool, have more than two kids, get a puppy) " but really they could if they didn't doubt. Trust me, I'm nothing special.  I'm not super organized, smart, or patient.  I do have a secret weapon, though, and that's my Faith.   I've mentioned multiple times that one of my favorite Bible verses is "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 as well as "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

The other night I was up late having my temper tantrum conversation with God that I do on occasion.  I was whining about my severe back pain, the sick kids during Holy Week, and the final blow of the dog dying on Easter Sunday.  Of course these are all first world problems and I'm well aware of that.  Still, I was mad.  I doubted.  I didn't doubt God's existence but I doubted my ability to accept His love and understand His ways.  I doubted my ability to take whatever He gives me and receive it with GRACE.  The next day as we read the Gospel readings about "doubting Thomas" I realized I'm no different than he was.  I want to see, feel, and hear God's reality and love ALL of the time and in BIG ways.  But that is not faith.  Faith is believing without seeing.  Faith is just knowing God is on our side even when it feels like He isn't.  And Faith is looking at life not as a big picture that seems unattainable if we ask too much of ourselves but as a daily experience that can only be done well if we call on Him, learn to Know Him, and visit with Him all day (and night) long. 

My saying for this spring will be "I can't but He can".  Learning to fully rely on God is the only way to get through the doubt.

Visit Smalltown Simplicity for more "Mindful Mothering Mondays" posts.  Sit back, drink your coffee, breath, and enjoy the moment.  And don't forget to thank God for that moment.