What I Didn't Do Today

It's after 3 and I'm sitting on the couch sipping iced coffee.  Kids are outside and inside.  The sliding door is open so the puppy is in and out on his own.  I started to feel guilty about what I didn't do today.  The laundry is washed but unfolded.  The carpets are unvacuumed.  The toys are unpicked up (is that a word - unpicked?).  On the average day I feed the kids three full meals and many snacks.  So that's feeding 27 people (not including Jesse and I).  I guess that's not "nothing" but it feels like it.  It's rare these days for me to get anything *extra* done.  I used to care but I don't think I do anymore.  My days simply can't be quantified in what I get "done".  What is done anyway?  Is anything ever really done when you're homeschooling a bunch of kids?  We are ALWAYS here.  Always.  There's rarely a time when the house isn't buzzing with people.  One room will never stay clean.  Granted it's easier when I'm not in pain from sciatic nerve and hernia issues.  But still...who wants to obsess over cleanliness when they can read a story with a toddler?  And even when I'm not "actively engaged" with my kids (heaven forbid I don't entertain them constantly) I'm still here with them.  They know I'm here.  They know where to find me if they need me or if they just want to sit by me.  We sit together while they play the iPad and I chat with friends (sorry but I'm just not giving that up).  I do like things picked up and the kid are expected to help with chores but that's not really ME doing anything so I tend to end the days thinking "I did nothing today".  I hope my kids grow up and remember what it was to sleep in a little later and wake up to mom.  I hope they don't notice the dirty floors or the unmade beds too much.  I hope my friends don't come over and judge what a poor housekeeper I am.  I hope what I DID do today is more important than what I didn't do.  In this world where we compare ourselves to the "ideal" and the "perfect" I look at myself and see all the ways I fall short.  There are many.  Some need to be fixed (like my lack of patience) and others can't be helped (like I gain a billion pounds when I'm pregnant).  I pray that I am able to identify the difference between the two and change the right one.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr