The Feast of Saint Paul and Another Reminder

As I scuffed around the house this morning because my feet are swollen and picking them up really *is* too much of an effort at this point I was bemoaning my vocation.  Why do *I* have to yell at these kids to do things?  Why do I have to sort the bills, do the laundry, break up the fights, make the meals, do the planning?  Why do *I* have to do all this stuff and have a heat tank living inside of me weighing in at nearly 5lbs now?  My "to do" list was growing as was my bad attitude.  People with "real" jobs are getting ready for their lunch breaks or, even luckier, are using the bathroom ALONE.  Clare pounded on the shower door this morning screaming "mommy, I want Veggie Tales" for the whole 3 minutes I was in there.  And so I took a break from pushing papers and washing dishes to read a bit for inspiration.  And this is what I found :

"If you find yourself wanting recognition, money, or some other kind of reward for a job well done, you may want to examine whether you are a doer in Christ or a doer in yourself. "  It was hidden within THIS article from The Word Among Us.  Talk about a smack in the face.  Don't be shy, God, just come out and tell me how selfish and awful I am :)  And praise God for that.  It's just shy of noon and I can still redeem this day.  I'm not sure how much I will get "done" but I can have a better attitude while I do it.  I can remember how I longed for this little heat tank living inside of me and the Veggie Tales demanding toddler. And all of them, really, in one way or another.  And even though I secretly long for a weekend away, an iPad (OK so I don't really keep the iPad desire a secret), or a paycheck I do know how lucky we are to have a nice home in a safe neighborhood, clothes to wear, food to eat, medical care. 

I believe I just mentioned the passage from Philippians the other day "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  Why must I be so slow and need these constant reminders?  At least I have God to give them to me.  Happy Wednesday everyone!  And now it's lunch time.....

Today is also the Feast of Saint Peter (another of my favorite Saints). You can read more about both Saints  HERE.

Monday Mugshots

 This picture was actually taken last night at the concert.  The one under here was taken at the concert as well.

 Here's Mary after a long day of playing, running, and screaming.

 Clare at the fountain about 5 minutes before she fell in. Oops.

 Hannah and Mary above, Hannah and Clare below.  What a fabulous big sister she is.  (Clare is forcing out her "cheese" smile ).

An Invitation to Trust

I've been Catholic for my whole life but I strayed, as many young adults do, and didn't really return to the fullness of the Faith until I was in my mid 20's.  When I first "came back" I was pleased to discover a world of Catholic culture that I never knew existed.  Since the internet was booming at that time and blogs were starting up there was no shortage of information available to me.  We are blessed in our area to have a Catholic radio station so I stopped listening to NPR and started listening to Catholic radio.  I would write down every book, news publication, and website that they mentioned and I spent hours reading and learning.  We are also very blessed in our area to have some fantastic priests so I spent alot of time going to talks and conferences.  I soaked it all in.  I figured my own devices hadn't led me anywhere good so I trusted in these people to lead me in the right direction.  Lead me they did.  I read and listened and learned.  I had groups of Catholic friends who knew way more than I did that taught me about novenas and rosaries and feast days.  I learned that the Saints weren't always saintly (phew - THAT was a relief).  I couldn't get enough of the richness of our Faith and I wondered how I could have missed it for all those years before.  I switched from rock and roll to Christian rock and was pleased to discover some amazing music artists that didn't sound at all "churchy".  In the last few weeks I learned the most valuable lesson of all, though.  I learned that it's time for me to venture out on my own.  Sure, community and resources are important. Good friends that foster and support my Faith life are invaluable.  But I was missing something.  I pray every day, I talk to God, I pray for guidance and wisdom but I wasn't relying fully on Him.  I was relying on "them".  The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of being somewhat "let down" by those around me that I had put so much faith in.  I learned that they, just like me, are human.  God has given me a nice push "out the door" to venture on my own.  But I'm not really on my own.  I need to focus on Him.  I need to look to His Words to discover His Will for my life.  While I certainly have no plans to give up my cherished Catholic radio, blog reading, and certainly not my Christian music I did need to cut some ties, reduce some listening time, and really HEAR what God is saying to me.  After all, I keep falling.  I keep failing.  What I'm doing now isn't working.  I'm learning facts, yes, but I am not making in progress on the journey towards where God wants me to go.  Today during Mass, in the few minutes I had to focus on Jesus and not on my wriggling toddlers, I heard Him.  I heard Him ask me to not look at the last few weeks full of disappointments and struggles as crosses but to look at them as chains being cut.  I am ready, I think, to try this on my own.  After all, the Bible says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  And so my prayer for the week is from John 3:30 - "He must increase; I must decrease".  So I will try.  I will trust Him.  I will continue to follow Him and hopefully the detours will become less and less.  Pray for me!!

Gratitude Sunday

Sunday Mass, parish festival, Steven Curtis Chapman concert, family is ALL together, beautiful weather, Feast of Corpus Christi, new beginnings, iced coffee, healthy kids, good friends, Clare loves cotton candy, junk food, snow cones, the love of my husband and children and SO.much more!!

All Together Again

No time for words but wanted to post pictures. Thank you all for the prayers.  Now to soak up some serious family time!  God is so good to me!!

More Growing and Changing

People often come to me for advice on a variety of issues.  I don't feel qualified to give advice but I talk with them and I am usually the one that learns something.  The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions.  First, I miss my three oldest boys.  They are away in different locations and will finally arrive home Saturday night.  I'm anxious for the gift of a whole week with my entire family under one roof.  Family - that's where it's at. That's what matters most.  Owen has called to say he misses the screaming and the chaos.  He misses it.  He misses us.  

In the last few days I've experienced anger, sadness, saying goodbye to what I thought was something permanent in my life.  I've watched olive branches wither away and felt the pain of not being able to mend fences.  I've lost hope and gained it back.  I'm facing my failures, yet again, and am reminded that we must evolve and grow to fully live out God's plan for us.  Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's full of misunderstandings and it leaves us feeling alone.  Sometimes we have to tear it all down and rebuild our lives AGAIN.  I have to do this alot and I wonder if I'm *that* slow of a learner or if others have to do it alot too.  I recently had the privilege of speaking with some mothers who have chosen LIFE for their unborn babies despite the difficulties that lie ahead of them.  It appeared to me that in their short lives they had already experienced great pain and hardship.  They put up a tough exterior but, really, they are scared and mostly alone.  I wonder if my words - the words of a person that manages to offend at least two or three people per day - meant anything to them.  I felt helpless when I left them.  What could an hour of chit chat do for their hearts?  I hope something but I'm not sure.  I can only be grateful for the time I was able to spend with them and I can, of course, pray.  Back in my reality I'm facing other giants.  I lose my temper and I learn humility.  I've been hit on many sides this week.  I feel like I'm back in high school.  The drama I try to escape keeps coming.  Nevermind.  I guess I'm just too slow of a learner but I won't stop trying.  I will, once again, get up, dust off my knees and keep going.

Half Birthdays and Lost Teeth

I'm not one to celebrate 1/2 birthdays. Who has time for that with 10 kid birthdays to celebrate as it is :) But today is special. It's Clare's 1/2 birthday, the first day of summer, and the longest day of the year. We decided that since Clare's real birthday is the shortest day of the year that we should give her a few hours of celebration today. Just about 2 years ago right now I was on bed rest after what was possibly the scariest few days of my life. This little girl was given a 10% chance of survival when, at 13 wks gestation, there were complications making a successful outcome of the pregnancy unlikely. I know now that I had even more medical issues than the doctors knew of at the time which makes the fact that Clare survived even more of a miracle. Thanks to prayers and support from friends and family and a husband who never gave up hope (and many Novena's to Padre Pio) little Clare Pia Grace not only survived but she thrived. She's an amazing little girl with a vocabulary that rivals most 5 year olds (and mine, frankly). She's the light of our lives and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for allowing us to know her in this life. So, Happy Half Birthday Clare!!

And in other exciting Ekblad family news Samuel officially lost his first tooth last night. He had a top one pulled a couple of years ago but this is the first tooth that has come out on it's own. The Tooth Fairy was good to him, as you can see. As soon as the tooth fell out he called Jackson and Owen who are visiting Great Grandma in Texas right now.

Marriage 101

Jesse and I were talking the other day about how much work marriage is.  I know what you're thinking.  How could it be work to live with someone as amazing as ME?  But, really, it is :)  I thought back to when I first got married.  I never thought that being married would be *easy* but I did think it would just ebb and flow and not take much effort on either of our parts.  I often look at other couples and think they must have found the trick.  They must have passed Marriage 101 and are in some advanced marriage class now while I'm stuck in 101.  The last 15 plus years have been very humbling for me.  There's nothing like living with someone to bring out the worst in yourself and have it thrown in your face on occasion.  At first I fought this lesson in humility.  I didn't really want to see my faults.  I only wanted to point out his.  VERY slowly I learned that God's plan in marriage is for spouses to bring the other closer to Him and to get eachother to heaven.  When I realized that I became very overwhelmed.  Not only did I have to fix myself but I had to help him fix himself too?  And in a non judgemental, non threatening way??!!  Wow.  Now that is a lifelong commitment.  Since my life's work is my children and husband I take it all pretty seriously.  I have read many, many, many books on marriage and family life.  Thanks to Kindle on my ipod I can now read through the night.  I have studied, memorized, prayed, read scripture.  Jesse and I have gone to marriage weekends, weekly refreshers, couple prayer, you name it.  We even speak at some of these events now which has been a huge learning experience all it's own.  What I've learned from all of this is that my pride is still in the way.  I nod my head as I read what makes a marriage good.  I forward articles and links but then my ego gets bruised or I have to pick up somebody's dirty socks off the floor for the tenth time that week and I blow my top.  What am I missing here?  I'm not exactly sure but I'm working on it.  Perhaps it's the log in my eye that's blocking my vision.  It could be that I'm lazy, a slow learner, or that marriage is harder than those math classes I never did very well in.  I'm not sure.  I do know that with each step forward that Jesse and I make together in this journey the rewards are better than a pay raise, an A+, or anything else I have experienced.  We could have both walked away from the other a long time ago.  I almost did.  I didn't think I could perfect this relationship.  And you know what?  I can't.  We can't.  It will never be perfect.  But I'll never stop trying.  And maybe someday I'll reach the upper level marriage classes.  For now I'm still learning in 101.

Gratitude Sunday - Father's Day

A trip to the zoo, yummy treats, celebrating dad, fabulous weather, MONKEY BREAD, family of 8 for a week (weird!!), kiddie pool, grilling time, sleeping in, staying up late, healthy kids, revelations, reminders of God's goodness and SO much more!!