God's Plans Are Always Best

 We prepared for our second to last week at chemotherapy and went in early this morning.  Coordinating working and a homeschool week plus ministry work is a task that takes many hands.  But God had other plans.  Cecilia's level of platelets were not high enough for chemo today.  That was a disappointment that brought her to tears.  I assured her that God's plans are always best which was of little comfort in the moment however the changed dates are actually going to work out SO much better.  So here is our new (and hopefully final!) schedule:

Chemotherapy (admission) 10/3 - 10/7 ish

A break week and our Fall A1:8 Youth Retreat!! 

Chemotherapy (final! admission) 10/14 - 10/18 (clap out day!!)

Scans remain on the morning of 10/14 so that is a BIG important day!

We spent yesterday at Greenfield Village which was a little rainy but always perfect.  The last train ride of the season :)

My lupus has flared by alot so while I want 99% of your prayers to go towards Cecilia I wouldn't mind 1% if you can spare them.

Thank you all and I'll update again soon!

A Future With Hope

 “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:1

As I type this we have a basement full of joyful teen girls.  I can hear them giggling and sharing stories.  Earlier they gave one friend the surprise of her life with a party for her birthday.  Every moment like this that Cecilia can participate in, that I can witness, is a gift.  

Earlier today Cecilia and I walked into the infusion center at Mott.  A bustling place filled with children suffering from various afflictions.  Most have cancer, some sickle cell anemia or other blood disorders.  All of them are warriors.  I pondered at how I used to be intimidated and overwhelmed by all of the ins and outs of the hospital life.  From the parking to the check in to the food and everything in between.  Now somehow I have become accustomed to it.  Yet the children there and their families pull at my heartstrings harder than ever.  I have this overwhelming urge to embrace every single one, to cry with them, laugh with them, pray with them.  Sometimes I do.  Sometimes I just beg the Lord to lift their burdens, heal their bodies and their minds, preserve their lives.  

As someone else's blood moved through the IV tubing into my daughter's veins and we shopped for the party tonight and talked of random things we would stop at the sound of a child in pain, mouth words of prayer and empathy to each other and then move on with our conversations.  

My mind wandered several hours in as Cecilia slept off and on waiting for release.  Our end, or the end of this part, is in sight.  Time served will be on our record soon.  Perhaps there will be another leg of the race, a different one.  Or perhaps our only hospital experiences from now on will be labs and scans every few months.  

We look ahead to college applications, vocation possibilities, love and life and we know that no matter what lay ahead we have a future with hope.  Hope for health, love, life, healing, and laughter.  

Tonight the cool autumn wind was blowing on my face as I walked through the neighborhood at sunset.  At nearly 51 years old I've lived alot of these seasons but this, I think, is the best one.  A new awareness of the gift of every moment of everyday.  All the colors seem sharper somehow,  smells are stronger, my love and appreciation of God has grown exponentially.  Through all the heartache, pain, suffering, and unknown He has been there, he has cast His blessings down whether in pouring rain or life giving sunshine.  Through all the amazing people we have met, the sorrows we have witnessed, the pain we haven't been able to understand.  He is always, always there.  

My oldest son, Brandon, is a photographer and took the girls out for Senior photos yesterday.  The result was incredible.  8 months ago I was unsure if this would every happen, if she would be able to stand on her own ever again yet here she is doing all the things and smiling through it all (mouth sores and all).  Praise the Lord for His goodness!  

We go back to Mott on Monday for our second to last chemo treatment and then again next Monday for our LAST one.  Please pray that her HGB will be high enough to keep her on track.  Jesus, we trust in YOU!  Thank you, friends.  Thank you all.  We pray for you everyday and will forever.

(photo credit to Crafting With Light)

He Will Never Fail or Forsake You

"Be strong and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the LORD, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Friends -

We are nearing the end of this chemotherapy plan.  We began in February and will walk out on October 11 (God willing).  Today is the last of the outpatient visits (except possible transfusions).  It seems like it's been forever and fast at the same time.  I have been changed in ways that will likely take me years to unpack fully.  We have all been changed.  We are very aware that we do not know what lay ahead.  A year ago the thought of one of my children having cancer wasn't even a seed in my mind.  This journey has brought a freedom I have not experienced in my life before.  A freedom from worry and anxiety, a freedom from fear of which I have prayed for since I can remember.  We live for the day and trust the Lord for tomorrow.  I sleep deeper than I ever have.  I know your prayers, support, and love have everything to do with that!  So THANK YOU all!

Here is our current schedule barring any changes :

Today : LAST Doxorubicin !!

09/25 : (possible and probable) blood and platelet transfusion

09/30 - 10/4 : Methotrexate inpatient

10/7 - 10/11: LAST Methotrexate inpatient!!!

10/14: CT scan (lungs), bone scan (whole body)

If all looks good (please lung nodules be gone!) then she will have repeat scans/blood work January 2025, April 2025, July 2025, October 2025, and January 2026.  If not we will move those a bit closer to each other. 

Big GIANT prayers that we can get out by or before the morning of October 11 as she has her youth group fall retreat that evening!  Jesse, Sam, and I are all also involved with this as are Mary and Clare.  It will be the most excellent way to praise the Lord (for the whole weekend) for bringing us to what will hopefully be the end of our cancer journey!).  

Thank you, friends, for all that you have done for us.  I can never EVER repay your kindness and love.  Please continue (forever) to send me your specific prayer requests.  I have your requests written carefully in my prayer journal.  I pray for you all everyday.  I will never cease to do so.  We will update as we have scan results!  

May the Lord bless and keep you all in His loving arms!

Faithfully

Tomorrow begins my 23rd year of homeschooling.  Tomorrow our youngest and last child begins kindergarten.  Tomorrow Cecilia starts what we hope and pray will be the second to last cycle of chemotherapy.  I have mixed feelings about entering the hospital on the first day of school.  Well, not really mixed.  It's all dread.  After nearly 3 weeks (blissfully) at home I was almost able to forget about cancer and chemotherapy.  Except not really because it's there always looming.  Blood labs and transfusions, outpatient chemotherapy, the give and take of should Cecilia go out and be exposed to illness or should I let her go and be a normal 16 year old?  (I always let her go, btw).  

The thing with trauma is that you can't unsee it, you can't unlive it.  You can push it away, burn in it or soldier through it with God (and your community) at your side.  So while we are still very much in this trauma we are not alone and for that I am eternally grateful.  

So for the TLDR crowd this is our September/October plan: (plan subject to change if her levels aren't high enough for chemo to start any given week)

Sept 3 - 7 (or 8) inpatient chemo 

Sept 10 - 14 (or 15) inpatient chemo

Sept 17, 18 outpatient chemo

Sept 30 - Oct 5 inpatient chemo

Oct 7 - 11 LAST INPATIENT CHEMO (Please Jesus!)

Scans will follow the last chemo (no date on that yet) where we will pray fervently that the two lung nodules are GONE.  If they aren't they will be biopsied.  

3 months post chemo we will have the really important scans that will tell us if the cancer has returned.  We will continue scans every 3 months for probably a year or two.

One of my fave songs right now.  Continued prayers for you all!