By George I Think I've Got It!

Thanks for all the great ideas from my blog last night!  Mostly thank you all for the support and kind words.  I thought alot last night about what my issues are in regards to school, homeschool, activities, etc.  Suddenly around 2 a.m. a light bulb went off (perhaps it's my text from God?)....are you ready?  We have an "extra large" family.  That's right.  11 children ranging in ages from in the womb to 21 (in a couple of weeks!).  There's lots of us.  As the years have passed I've learned to double most recipes to feed our crew.  We've gotten a larger vehicle and we now take up an entire pew at church.  But in my homeschooling mind there are still four children.  That's how many children we had when I started homeschooling.  And in my mind we should still be doing the same things now as we did then.  But that's not possible.  First of all the children are older.  When Brandon got into high school it really changed homeschooling for us.  We needed to stay home more often as his work load was bigger. Now we have two high schoolers plus one middle schooler and three elementary aged children.  Then there's the pre schoolers who deserve as much time from me as the older ones got when they were small.  Our income is much more limited now than it was before and we have to make careful, prayerful choices about what we are going to do and when.  Our outside activities have to benefit our family as a whole and not just one child.  As *sad* or wrong as it might sound to outsiders our children take turns doing activities.  We simply don't have the time or money to have five kids in soccer at the same time.  But on the flip side our children have lots of people to play soccer with on a daily basis.  And play they do.  What we once outsourced for we do in our home.  I've always been a pretty hands on mom in terms of crafts and messes (water table, sand (Jesse's favorite), play dough, etc) but now I try to be more creative.  I try to do music classes with the little ones in our living room.  I invested in some fabulous instruments for relatively cheap and we have some other fun things.  I've somewhat passed the torch along to Katie now who enjoys running little classes for the young ones. 

Perhaps none of this matters and I've made the judgment's up in my head.  Perhaps I've had one too many encounters with grocery store strangers who nearly fall over when I say that we are having our 11th baby.   I'm in my 40th year of life now.  I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't care any longer what the "world" said or thought about our life and our family.  But some days I swear I can feel the judgment from the online school teachers from across the computer screen because I don't hover over a 7th grader as she takes a test. 

So now I change my thought process.  I remember that we are no longer schooling 4 children but we are leading 11 of them. Our job is to teach them to know, love, and serve God in this life so they can be with Him in the next.   I still have no idea what I'm doing.  But I know I'm not going to cram them into a tiny car so I shouldn't cram them into a box of what the world says a family should be.  I'll consult with God more often, I'll cherish the love and support from those who are my friends.  From those that may not exactly understand what we are going through but who graciously and abundantly give hugs, kind words, and PRAYERS.  Because grocery store people don't matter.  People who judge us don't matter.  But those who truly LOVE us are the ones who deserve to be remembered.  The light bulb....the message.....
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13

School At Home....Homeschool....January Blues

I signed up for a virtual charter school this year.  It was something I'd never tried and even though it wasn't my usual fare I did it anyway.  I learned a while ago not to make "next year" predictions in January about our homeschool.  January is long and often painful no matter what curriculum we're using.  It just is.  This particular curriculum involves LOTS of work books.  And LOTS of check boxes.  When I first started homeschooling my goal was to get my kids to love learning.  I wanted to get out of the box of brick and mortar schools and use the world as our classroom.  It worked well and then it didn't and then it did....and now I miss it.  I miss the discoveries and the field trips and the piles of books that we used to read.  There's no time.  We are too busy checking off boxes and writing in workbooks.  To what end?  I don't think my kids are learning more or better.  I think it's worse.  It's exactly what I didn't want.  But it's January....so I will wait to make my final decision. 

I'm clearly not the "school at home" type.  I want the kids to discover and learn at their own pace.  I do think structure is somewhat important in the later elementary years through high school.  But little ones should just read and read and read and bake with mom and watch the vinegar and baking soda explode in the sink.  They should play games and run and jump and laugh.  But then I think...well, they need to learn to write and do simple math.   OK - we'll keep the math books.  And the poetry because I am a sucker for poetry.  But I want GOOD poetry.  The issue with the virtual school is that it's public school based so is very, very, very bland, "culturally sensitive" and lacks the beauty that I long for.  Even Sam (7) said the other day that he missed Robert Louis Stevenson.  In the books we are currently using no one is ever wrong and everybody wins even when they don't win.  It's all so...blah.  I want my kids to know that everyone doesn't always win.  And that's OK.  And life isn't equal.  Ever.  And that's OK.

We used to do alot of science experiments but no more. There's no time with the gazillion workbook pages there are to do.  It all goes against everything I believe in.  Our books are lonely on the shelves and reserved mostly for bedtime now.  No time for reading.  NO TIME FOR READING.  That's horrible.  It's a horrible thought.  I have to answer to teachers who aren't that familiar with homeschooling and I'm not sure that they want to be.  There's zero flexibility.  If you're sick - too bad.  I'm not sure what to make of it all.  I don't know what's right or what to do.  I've never disliked a curriculum more but another element is that it's free.  Free is good for this family of almost 13 on a limited budget.  Free.  Except for the ulcers I'm getting worrying about keeping up.  I feel like we have to move along even when the kids don't get something because if we don't check the boxes we are behind.  Again - that's what I was avoiding. 

Today after homeschool co op where the kids had history, science, and math I called no school.  We baked instead, Jackson got some time with his army men, and I re-evaluated what will come next.  I'm not quitting this year.  I'm not sure why...but I'm not.  We might fall behind, though, just a bit as we take time to remember why we're doing this.  Finding the balance is tough.  Forging a life for all these little minds, hearts, and souls is a challenge on a good day.  Remembering my verse that God's Grace is enough....but secretly wishing for a text from Him saying "do this....".

So tell me how you homeschool?  How did you decide on your path?  Do you do different things for different kids (which is tricky in an extra large family but I'm willing to try).  Please share if you can.

Gratitude Sunday!

The final count is in and there were officially 650,000 people at the March this year!  Go pro lifers!  Owen's feet nearly froze off but all's well that ends well (and I bet he'll take boots next year!).

Yay for COUNTY FAIR CAKE!!!  I made this twice this week.  It's normally topped with powdered sugar but Jesse did a glaze for it today.  Yum, yum, yum!

It seems like just yesterday that Brandon was learning guitar.  Now Jackson is following in his footsteps and doing a wonderful job, too.

It's Jo Jo's favorite spot - reading in the chair.  She's so cute while we do school.  She gathers her books and reads a while all by herself.

Jesse put up this cool wire so we can display some of the fabulous artwork that the kids create.  We clearly need about ten more wires but one will have to do for now.

Snow, snow, snow.  While it feels like January will NEVER EVER end at least we have some snow.  It's pretty and crunchy and fun to play in.  Yay for snow!

Lies, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Life

"How old are your kids?" the wide eyed 7th grader asked me was we discussed our families in the Confirmation class small group I'd been entrusted to.   "My oldest is almost 21 and my youngest is 1" I said.  "21!" they shouted (apparently I look young to them, God bless their hearts).  "How old were you when you got married???"  I stumbled, stopped, looked around.  Our meeting spot is the confessional.  Ironic, right?  So how do I answer?  These girls who look up to me.  What will their parents think?  Should I lie?  If I lie will they find out?  If they do what will they think?  I gasp for air, started to lie, but caught myself.  "You know how I said that I travelled the wrong road when I was young? " I asked. They shook their heads in unison.  "Well, I got married when I was 21 but I had my oldest when I was just 18."  I looked around at their faces and the room we were in.  "That's why *this* place is so important" I said "Because God's love and mercy can bring us back from our darkest places and make things new".  I could feel my face bright red and I was sweating.  They didn't miss a beat.  Of course they didn't. These girls that have been pro life since they were conceived.  They wouldn't judge me like the world did 21 years ago.  They wouldn't think less of me.  They would love me.  And they did.  After the class I went to talk to the head teacher because I was afraid I would get some heat from some parents.  I felt like I'd somehow scandalized their daughters.  I cried like I had 1000 times.  Ashamed of my actions (not my child, ever).  He gave me a big hug and said "did you tell them to go do it too?"  I laughed and said that I didn't, of course!   I walked away feeling relieved.  I hadn't lied.  Lying was worse, I think.  I hadn't told gory details but I hadn't lied. 

This day, this March for Life Day, the media mostly ignores it.  Some people laugh at the half a million marchers out in the cold but I watch without ceasing and I cry.  And I cry and cry and cry.  Every single year.  I cry in humble gratitude that my son is there marching and that I didn't make a different choice. That I wasn't misled.  I cry in humble gratitude because the King of Kings saved me from an even harder life after my son was born.  I was blessed abundantly even in the hardest of times.  I cry because now I have more children then just my oldest there.  I cry because LIFE is so precious.  I knew this 10 years ago but now that we've lost so many babies I know it even more.  It's a gift.  It's not a punishment.  I cry out of respect and love for my friends who are brave enough to stand up and say "I REGRET MY ABORTION".  I cry for the women that honorably carried babies to term and gave them up for adoption.  I cry for the women who, in spite of doctor's recommendations, carry babies with various diseases to term.  Some live for hours or days some not at all.  I cry because there is REDEMPTION in all of these blessings.  Jesus on the cross made sure of that.  And mostly I cry for women who made the choice to end their baby's lives and think they cannot be forgiven.  They carry it around in them and they suffer needlessly.  

I joke that I'm going to put a sign on our front door that says "leave your babies here, we will take care of them" (we would) but I want to hug the moms and the dads.  I want to tell them that it's OK and there's nothing but GRACE and LOVE for them too.

SILENT NO MORE is an organization designed to help post abortive mothers and fathers.  Please, please, please know that you are not alone.  You are forgiven.

Also, if you haven't yet, see the movie October Baby.  It was an excellent pro life film that focuses on a child forgiving her birth mother for an attempted abortion. 

 

 

Take THAT First Trimester

That's right - I'm not even officially out of the first trimester but the energy has sort of returned and mostly I don't feel car sick all of time!!  Praise Jesus!  And since I KNOW baby is fine, well, I'm celebrating!  These are the things I love about being a homeschooling mom - we did play doh early this morning, made ice cream, finger painted this afternoon.  We did some schooling and read stories.  The kids played card games and I DIDN'T feel like throwing up.  Sorry, it's exciting to this mom.

 

 

I even had the energy to clean this up in the late afternoon.  When I had the stomach bug my parents brought me this chicken noodle soup that I think had some kind of magical powers.  My mom brought me some again yesterday and I've eaten it on and off all day yesterday and today.  It's so amazing to get your health back when you've felt bad for so long.  I'll be heading back to one of my favorite jobs of small group disciple leader for the Confirmation class at church next week, I think.  I've been to sick to go the last month. 

Even THIS little one who has endlessly energy can't keep me down now.  I love the 2nd trimester.  I know I'm not officially there yet....6 more days or so....but I can feel it coming and I'm pretty happy.  Thank you, Jesus.  Did I say that already?  I can't say it enough.

PS - if you live in my house and read this it doesn't mean you don't have to help anymore :)

On Images

After my bought with the stomach bug and being unable to find baby Tic Tac's heartbeat with my Doppler I worked myself into a tizzy.  For the last week I've been worried sick and unable to figure out just *why*.  I made it past the 9wks3days of the previous baby's life.  I'm at 11 weeks now.  All is well, right?  But it didn't feel right.  I needed to *see* that it was right.  That he/she is growing.  I had resigned myself to the fact that baby had probably died a week or two ago.  Did I even feel pregnant still?  Now with the stomach bug was there even a chance that the baby had made it?  Luckily my Dr knows what a mess I am and lovingly understands.  So Jesse took me in so we could SEE what was going on.  I was sure the baby was gone.  I had talked myself out of symptoms.  But guess what?  The baby was not gone.  We saw a face, eyes, nose, mouth, fingers, toes.....baby is the size of a plum but was moving around like crazy!  He's alive!  ALIVE.  And the image said it all.  The ultra sound, the beating heart....as the March for Life approaches my baby's pictures caused me to pause and reflect for a long time.

We brought the photos home and the kids gathered around excitedly pointing things out.  The 3 year old could tell the head from the legs from the stomach from the back.  If Planned Parenthood wants women to have the CHOICE then why don't they show them the ultrasounds?  Why do they fight mandatory ultra sounds?  95% of women choose LIFE when they SEE their baby.  Three hours ago I was convinced my baby was gone, not alive, whatever.  I've had 10 babies and lost 8 and I could convince myself that the baby wasn't there anymore.  I needed the IMAGE. 

God bless those that don't need the image but after so many losses I need to see.  Women need to see.  They need to know what they are doing and who they are doing it to.  I pray that every woman has the opportunity to see their baby before it's too late. There are countless FREE (no questions asked) health care clinics that offer FREE ultra sounds to whomever walks in the door (I've been to one of those clinics and friends of mine have as well).  Images are meaningful.  They leave an impression.  Until today the image in my mind was that of our last baby at 9wks3days.  While that will be burned in my mind forever I am rejoicing over this new little one.  He kicked, jumped, and I'm pretty sure he said "stop worrying so much, mommy".  In closing I will leave you with this quote from Martin Luther King Jr who was 100% pro life.
"Never, never, be  afraid to do what's right.  Especially if the well being of a person or animal is at stake.  Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

PS - Thank you JESUS for another day with this precious gift.

Gratitude Sunday

The stomach bug caught up with me.  I've been down for the count for more than 24 hours now.  I'm grateful it's the weekend and Jesse is home, I'm grateful I can drink water again and for my parents getting me chicken noodle soup.  I'm grateful for little faces popping in now and again to give me a hug and for the 17 month old that somehow *gets* that I'm sick and is leaving me alone.

We got the fabulous news last night that Brandon is engaged!  I cannot believe I'm that old or that he is but we couldn't be happier!  I have no pictures, no story to tell since I couldn't even sit up until about an hour ago.  Hopefully all of that will come in the next few days.  I'm praying that God will make me a good mother-in-law.

I'm grateful that we are going to get snow this week.  I've missed it so much.  I'm not sure how much or if it will stick but just the possibility makes me giddy.

I need to lay down again.  Please pray with me for Brandon, Hannah, and Owen and all of the travelers heading to DC for the March for Life this week.  It's such a courageous thing to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

 

More old pictures....someday I'll catch up again.  Have a blessed week.

On Not Being Superwoman

Today I'm reading and re-reading THIS article and breathing a sigh of relief. Finally someone said it.  Someone said that this job is hard and a messy house or undone laundry is not a sign of sloth or laziness but a sign that, well, this job is hard.  For too many years I've lived in a way that made sure I didn't "let anyone down".  It's clearly my problem (and pride) but the issue in the past year has spun out of control.  I first noticed the issue was getting bigger when I miscarried last February.  Not wanting to inconvenience people I miscarried at about 7:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning and still got the kids ready and attended Mass at 8:45 a.m.  My body clearly couldn't handle it but I ignored the signs not wanting to appear weak.  I remember very few things about that day except that I knew something wasn't OK with me.  Still I recovered relatively well and put that day behind me.  A few months later, however, when I miscarried I almost died because I didn't want to upset my family or cost my husband money for an ambulance.  I remember laying on the bathroom floor thinking if I was only strong enough I could get up and everything would be fine.  But I didn't get up and eventually the ambulance arrived.  I was embarrassed.  And I felt bad for inconveniencing my OB in the middle of the night on a Saturday.  I went home that next morning and felt bad for inconveniencing family and friends who watched kids and brought meals and my husband who had to take not one but two days off of work.  I know it sounds ridiculous but those are the real things that I thought about. 

I'm trying to pinpoint where all of this has come from and how it's built up to this.  I think part of it is that I'm trying to conform my life of homeschooling mother of 10 plus to the world's standards of what a family is/does.  While I know we are not the same as the average family that has 2.5 children I still feel the pressure to keep a clean house, clean kids, school them right, and I feel guilty that they aren't all in 10 activities each.  The "school at home" curriculum that I chose this year isn't really working out, either.  I feel guilty about that as well.  Why can't I make it work?  What is wrong with me?  So last night I spent several hours in prayer trying to figure out why I'm doing all of this.  Why have we decided to have as many children as God sees fit to bless us with?  Why have we decided homeschooling is best for our family?  If someone asked me those questions I would answer "it's all for God" right off.  But is it all for God if I'm worried about what other people think?  If I'm worried about fitting in or keeping up?  If I'm worried more about the house than the kids?  I spend a lot of time reading blogs of other homeschooling families and feel completely inadequate.  Perhaps I should be spending more time reading God's word instead?  Not that there isn't a place for blogs (I really love looking at the pictures) but if they aren't building me up then maybe I should focus less on them. 

That brings me back to trying to prove how strong I am to the world.  Some years back I had a really rough year physically and emotionally.  I was sluggish, sick, tired.  I could hardly get out of bed, hardly produce enough milk to feed Clare, I had a hard time breathing and doing every day tasks.  Yet I didn't want Jesse to think I was weak so I pushed myself to the point of passing out.  I would still take long walks with him even though I wanted to die.  I finally went to the doctor who told me "you have 9 kids.  If you stopped you'd feel better" but I wouldn't take that answer and he did give me blood tests.  The results showed several things out of balance including my thyroid which was very under active.  Within days of starting the medication I felt like someone had handed me my life back.  I hadn't fell that good in at least 10 years.  Obviously I didn't learn from that incident that pushing through isn't always the best thing.  So thanks to Jen's article I'm just going to say I am NOT super woman.  This is not easy.  This is joy filled but not fun.  This is my calling in life and God's will but I fall daily.  My kids will not be perfect and it won't be because there are "so many" of them.  It will be because they are human.  I do try my best but sometimes I get tired, worn out, and just sit on the couch and read.  My house is a mess and my kids watch TV and sometimes we order pizza.  Please don't tell me to stop or quit because I'm overwhelmed.  If I was a doctor, a lawyer or in grad school no one would tell me to quit because it was hard.  I like to think we're raising souls for Christ and that our children will someday make a difference in this world.

One last thing (wow I'm wordy today) I love what Jen says about us not being made to be isolated from others.  I've always known this but it's become very apparent with Brandon back at school.  Yes, he's my son, but he's also an adult and when he was here I had someone to talk to, to help me, and to lift heavy things.  I long for the community of my grandparents and great grandparents.  I dont' think anything can be done about that right now but it is a dream of mine.  Maybe someday.

In closing (for real) I want to say that I'm thankful to God for all of His blessings.  Blessings that I haven't earned nor do I deserve.  I am grateful for my modern conveniences (especially the iPad).  I'm grateful for my healthy children and my family.  I know I'm blessed.  I am grateful.  But still, it's hard.

On Broken Packages and Blessings

I still remember that night when he called near midnight to say he'd had a falling out with his roommates.  I was in the throws of morning sickness and thought to myself that it was tough being the mom of a young adult and the mom of a rice sized baby and everyone in between.  Within the week it was decided that he would move home again.  Our children are always welcome at home, of course, but the transition can be tough on everyone.  As it turned out by the time he made the 6 hour trip here I was losing the baby I had been sick with.  Within an hour of his arrival I would be taken away by ambulance due to complications with the miscarriage.  I remember thinking how "ironic" it all was.  All my children together at home, only not, because I was losing one.  Those first few days after the miscarriage were rough.  There was no transitioning him back home. There was only me (unable to get out of bed) asking for him (and the others) to bring me things.  Some weeks later we had a funeral for baby Veronica (where Brandon was one of the pall bearers) and some weeks after that my beloved Grandmother passed away.  Again Brandon was a pall bearer (and he played guitar at the funeral) things he wouldn't have done had he been back where he'd started the summer.  It's hard to say where God was going with all of this but He does always bring good out of difficult circumstances.  We transitioned to having a young adult living at home again, rules, job responsibilities, etc.  We had falling outs and misunderstandings.  I watched relationships between the littlest of our children and the eldest grow in ways that they hadn't several years earlier.  I was comforted as I looked down the pew at church and saw all of our children together.  I knew time was running short and my desire for unity will have to be put on the back burner as our children grow and pursue God's will for their lives.  I imagine we'll receive more phone calls and more children coming back for a time when they are in need.  I hope so, anyway.  The gifts that God gives us are sometimes wrapped in the most broken of packages.  Disappointments, betrayals, failures, and tears.  With love, prayer, and family unity those broken packages can be mended and in God's time they can be sent off to try again. 

Gratitude Sunday

The morning sickness lingers on - 10 weeks on Tuesday.  Grateful for the growing baby above (who seems to enjoy hanging out as close to the uterine wall as possible)  but starting to feel the worn out feeling that weeks of being "under the weather" can bring.  Still, the kids are healthy, our first week of school didn't go too badly, we had some wonderful weather days too.

Jesse and I volunteered for a conference put on by Catholic Radio on Saturday.  My favorite pro life priest (Fr. Frank Pavone) was there and we got to help out at his book/info table.  He also did our Sunday Mass and even blessed little Josie.  What a wonderful man.  He founded www.priestsforlife.org .

Brandon left to go back to Steubenville today.  He'll be back for a short visit in a month.  It's hard to believe that he lived at home for the past six months.  It was such a blessing to have him around again but I know God has bigger plans for him than folding my laundry.  Prayers for a good semester for Brandon and GRATITUDE for a bonus six months with him in the house.
I hope this finds you all healthy and blessed.  Have a great week everyone!

Finding Blessings in the Midst of the Flu

I wasn't going to say anything about this but the flu has found us.  I don't believe we've had a stomach thing in close to 5 years.  It's not the worst thing ever but it's hitting kids one at a time which makes it feel like a forever thing.  That on top of lingering morning sickness and we've been pretty darn unproductive this week.  I'm even behind on all of my Facebook games (oh the horror).  Earlier this afternoon I lay up in bed with a headache probably caused by a bad tooth that can't be dealt with until after I get out of the first trimester.  Flat on my back I visited my favorite blogs hoping for a little inspiration.  Due to hormone induced ADD I can read about three lines of each blog or article I happen upon.  My favorite blogs right now are the ones with pictures....anyway, I did find some inspiring words which prompted me to count my blessings and to find JOY in all things.  So I decided to just lay there with my eyes shut praising God for the blessings....Blessings in the midst of the stomach flu of 2013 while dealing with morning sickness that lasts all day and night.....it actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

1)  For sure, hands down, the biggest blessing is a husband that cleans up after the kids at 3 a.m. (and 4 a.m. and 5 a.m.).  In my opinion a vomit cleaner upper husband should be considered for sainthood before he even dies. 

2)  Watching siblings (big and small) care for one another.  The newly vested 3 year old that gets a cool cloth for the soon to be 6 year old is just too sweet for words.  The self sacrificing tweens and teens that hold sick siblings, get toast, water, and entertain them when they could be doing something else (or be germaphobes like their mother) is a beautiful thing.

3)  We get to stay in.  It's cold out.  I don't really want to leave the house anyway.  So this is perfect.  All plans are cancelled and we have an excuse to hunker down and just stay home.

4)  Everything is close and much of our food is delivered so no need to panic that we will run out.  Then there's the mom that delivers this and that when I need it too (and isn't afraid to come into our quarantined home).  Friends that stop by with treats are awesome too.

5)  We're saving a lot of money on groceries this week.  I mean, let's be realistic.  With half the kids not eating it's a big savings.  Just had to throw that in there because after Christmas and with all the new and lovely taxes we get to pay every penny counts.  ;)

Well, back to my regularly scheduled TV watching with the sick kids.  I've seen ALOT of Leave it to Beaver, Backyardigans, and My Little Pony in the last few days.  A.LOT.

Prayers for all of you who are going through the same sickness or something much worse. 

I found this old picture of Josie which articulates how I feel about now.

Gratitude Sunday

The first week of January is over already!!  One month from today ends my first trimester (God willing).  Kind of hanging on for dear life here.  The morning sickness is unpredictable. Sometimes it's overwhelming and others it seems like it's not there at all.  I go between paranoid and confident.....so it's the little things that are bringing me happiness, peace, and joy.  My new plates were a gift from Jesse for Christmas.  We've had the same white ones that I bought at Kmart 16 years ago forever.  Most are broken now and we were due.  The colors of these plates brighten my day and make cooking and doing dishes a bit more exciting.  I'm buying them one or two at a time as they are pricey.  I got lucky and found some at Good Will a while back for a buck each!  Brand new still had the tags on them. That was a good day :) 

For the candle purchased by Hannah for me on a shopping trip with friends.  Miraculously the smell does NOT make me sick and everytime I light it I thank God for such a thoughtful daughter.

I'm grateful that school officially starts tomorrow ( we did some dabbling last week Thursday and Friday).  I like our routine and our co op doesn't begin for another three weeks so we have a bit more time to stay in our pj's on these chilly days of January.

Our Sunday roast is in the oven.  Each day that I feel up to making dinner is a blessing for me.  As much as I enjoy lounging on the couch playing Words With Friends it really isn't any fun to feel sick all of the time.  So today is a good day for sure.

Happy Feast of the Epiphany everyone! 

Keeping you all in prayer as we begin another week.

Because Life Is Precious

I laid on the table in the OB's office eyes squinted closed.  I can feel Jesse's hand on my shoulder and I hear the Dr say "there's the heartbeat".  Relieved I opened my eyes, silently praise God, and feel a weight lifted....for a while.  Baby measures perfect and the heart beats strong.  "You can come back in 4 weeks" he says but then corrects himself after seeing my face "Or in a week.  Come back in a week".  The old "natural don't come near me with an ultra sound wand" would hate me.  The person who wishes she could just trust in God and whatever happens happens that I want to be DOES hate me.  Still I want to come back in a week.  I want to see this baby get beyond the 9 weeks 1 day that our last baby did.  Does that mean everything will be OK?  No.  It doesn't.  I know that.  But because life is precious I want to see it unfold and soak it in as much as I can.  I thought about the kids waiting for me at home and how I do my own version of checking for their heartbeats on them frequently.  When someone is sick or sad or extra sleepy I go in and watch their chest or feel their back or stick my face under their nose to feel the warm air come out.  In a home that's always noisy I do frequent "where's so and so" checks.  I call their name and wait for an answer.  Sometimes I don't get an answer and if it's a little one not answering all the big ones run around the house like maniacs.  It's lovely to see even if it adds more noise.  There's no magic age guaranteeing all will be well, ever.  Not 12 weeks or 2 years or 20 years.  No magic age for our children, parents, spouses, friends. 
As we leave the office Jesse says to me "It's good news!  Aren't you happy?"  I answered yes and think how precious and fleeting all life is.  And I wonder if today is the day I can start to truly live that way.

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 

Happy New Year!

Fried food, good friends, Orangina at midnight.  A good time was had by all!

 

 

 

And we had good cleaner uppers in the morning!  Happy New Year and a Blessed Feast Day of Mary, Mother of God!!