The Path He Chose: Grace in Every Step

Sweeping out the last remnants of Christmas gift wrappings, I paused and sighed deeply, contentment warming my heart. We were home for Christmas—all of us. As 2025 draws near, we remain here, still living a quiet, ordinary life. Yet, there are fleeting moments when I forget our other life—the one shaped by hospital walls, the life where we found an unexpected family within those sterile halls.

I catch myself in those moments, gently chastising my own heart for trying to push aside the path God has so carefully chosen for us to walk right now. With trembling hands, I lay down my fears and doubts about the future, inhaling the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Exhaling softly, I whisper, “Jesus, I trust in You.”

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

For all my futile attempts to control the uncontrollable, I am learning to surrender. This life—so unlike what I envisioned—is still ours, and it is where His grace meets us.

Sometimes, when my children feel so distant, when their laughter is replaced by arguments, when communication seems broken and brittle, I find myself asking, “Why, Lord?” How can this turmoil within our family ever become something good? Yet, in the stillness of prayer, He whispers back His promises—not only that it will seem good but that it will begood.

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28)

Even so, the waiting is difficult. The living through it is exhausting. It’s all so very hard.

When I run into friends, the casual question always arises: “How are you?” I smile reflexively and reply, “I’m good!” But later, I ponder—am I? Are we good? Is this good?

I don’t always know the answer. But I do know this: God is good. And I trust His will, even as I find myself offering little intercessions for my own along the way.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." (Psalm 23:1-3)

As for Cecilia, she is feeling well! She has chosen a slower, steadier course of treatment for one of the chemotherapy drugs, alongside a holistic remedy, with her doctor’s guidance. This new plan means longer hospital stays, but perhaps fewer setbacks, as we’ve eliminated the medication that left her so depleted and whose benefits remain unproven.

Even here, in this unexpected journey, we see threads of His mercy.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

And so, we press on, breathing deeply the grace of each new day and trusting that even when the way feels dark, His light will guide us.

Please continue to share your prayer request (and answered prayers too!) with us.  We pray for you all (even those who have unshared requests).  

A Christmas to Cherish and a New Year Ahead {Scan Results}

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Our Christmas was as close to perfect as we could have hoped for, and we are so grateful for your prayers that made it possible. It was a blessing to have a peaceful and joyful holiday amidst the challenges we face.

This morning, Cecilia underwent a series of tests: a CT scan of her lungs, a bone scan, and an X-ray. Shortly after, I spoke with the doctor. While the results weren't exactly what we might have dreamed of, they were as good as we could realistically hope for. The scans showed stable lung nodules—no growth and nothing new appearing.

I find myself in a space between discouragement and encouragement. The journey continues, and we move forward with a slightly adjusted chemo regimen, possibly introducing additional treatments that show promise. For now, we anticipate a peaceful remainder of the holiday break before returning to the hospital on January 2 for a five- to six-day chemotherapy session. Cecilia’s next scans are scheduled for early to mid-February.

As we approach the one-year mark in this season of battling cancer, we’ve settled into a rhythm that helps us make the most of our time together as a family. While the quantity of that time has diminished, we are doing our best to ensure its quality remains rich. We have learned to take nothing for granted, and for this lesson, even in the midst of difficulty, I am deeply thankful.

We continue to live in the uncertainty of the unknown, unsure of what lies ahead. Yet, we are sustained by your prayers, love, and support. This journey has taught us the importance of letting go of the unnecessary and focusing on what truly matters: our faith, our family, and our friends.

Thank you for standing with us, supporting us, loving us, and praying for us.  

We Made It ! {Home For Christmas}

 Labs today came back favorable and we will be HOME for Christmas! Thank you for the prayers!  Our next visit to Mott will (hopefully) be 12/26 at 10 am for CT and Bone Scans.  The next 48 plus hours we will immerse ourselves in family, yummy food, Mass, Christmas music, Christmas lights, and gratitude.  It has been a H A R D year but you all have carried us in prayer and love and support.  The other night some of the girls friends (and their moms) had a Christmas get together for them complete with gifts and affirmations. It was so beautiful to watch and it has been an honor to witness the incredible outpouring of love from friends (some we have met and others we have not!) over the past year.  

Our journey is not even close to being over.  I know this.  I do not know what the rest of this journey looks like and occasionally the unknown threatens to take me down.  Sometimes I have to dig deep to *feel* the moments and appreciate the season we find ourselves in.  But I can find the gratitude deep down when I see the faces of excited children, twinkling Christmas lights, the still dark mornings when I come down to coffee and read my Liturgy of the Hours by candlelight.  

When I pray the different mysteries of the Rosary and *walk* with Mary through her years of being a Mother to Jesus.  The trustful surrender in each day and the intertwining of what must be done with moments of contemplation as days turn into months that turn into years.   One thing remains the same yesterday, today, and forever and that is Jesus.  This Christmas maybe more than ever I am reminding of the incredible gift that He is, that life is.  

We pray that you will all have a wonderful, healthy, and merry Christmas. 

Peace On Earth

 "Every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad." 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For our family and for many others this year has seen its days of endless struggle, lows, and then lower lows.  Shock, grief, disbelief, an unknown future, a longed for past.  As Christmas approaches my heart and mind are divided between anticipation and dread.  I find myself more and more longing only to stay inside.  Inside my house, inside my room, inside myself.  I remember when I was a mother of only little kids people would say "appreciate these moments because they are fleeting" or some such.  As a scrupulous person I felt so much pressure to appreciate that it was too hard to do so. Then I felt guilty that I wasn't appreciating enough and the perpetual cycle of shame and guilt went on.  This year is similar.  Appreciating the times when we are all together without looking to the next day or week or month wondering what is to come.  This year the dawn of 12/25 will bring giggling children, the smell of coffee and all manners of food, family, and fun.  The dawn of 12/26 which has traditionally been a day for us to stay in jammies and just be together will instead bring the x-rays and scans that will determine what comes next for Cecilia and for our family.  

Under my breath, in my heart, and in my head I repeat "not my will, Lord, but Yours" again and again.  I pour over the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary and her complete surrender even in the midst of giving birth in a stable continuing on to the brutal killing of her Son.  She was steadfast, trusted God, loved with grace through it all.  I wonder if she was ever wished to lock herself away as I do.  We know Jesus did - we hear throughout the Gospels how He "withdrew to lonely places to pray".  As I travel this seemingly never ending journey with Cecilia and all of our family and I watch the lives of friends who are traveling the same road or who are battling with other issues unknown to most I am grateful for the pockets of time I have to withdraw and pray and for the times when I must be called out into the world, even if just my world, to attempt live some semblance of normal that will, in all honesty, never be normal again.  The constant pressure to appreciate the moment is replaced with the reality that it is all slipping away.  We can hold on to nothing.  But the further things slip away the closer we come to Heaven and as such I pray that I can live my life in a way that will take me to my real home someday.  I am learning it's OK to feel sad but to smile anyway (but to share my feelings with trusted friends and not deny them).  

Recently my daughter, Hannah, took some of my kids to the Detroit Institute of Arts.  She sent a few photos and said "I had hoped to send some artsy pictures of the kids but instead I only got real ones".  Friends the real picture of having a child with cancer is watching them suffer in ways no one ever knows unless they are there.  There ARE smiles, there are SO many times when God is so present you feel that you could reach out and grab Him but the grief that knows no bounds in a mother's heart when she cannot help her child threatens to take hold and harden the heart of even the most peaceful of mothers.  

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day".  The compelling words, story behind the song, and this - "God is not dead nor does He sleep".  In a world that seems to be sinking in quick sand as war, disease, lack, and the absence of God in the lives of so many we need that message now more than ever.  *I* need that message now more than ever.  God is alive, He is in control, He can be trusted, and He is not anxious.

Today Cecilia goes for labs for her third day in a row in hopes of catching anything off and resolving it so she (and we) can be home for Christmas.  Please continue to pray for her as we pray for you.  Thank you!

Home {Advent Week 3 - JOY}

Cecilia has been discharged from the hospital until hopefully after Christmas.  She handled the chemo relatively well (we had to alter the type and dosage a bit) and had a transfusion this morning before she left to come home.  Her biggest wish is to be home and to feel well for Christmas.  Please pray fervently for that wish to come true!  

Right now we have outpatient labs and transfusions scheduled for 12/20 as well as 12/24 if needed.  We are praying they will not be needed.  Her scans are 12/26 to monitor how well the chemo is working.  In the mom section of my mind and heart I am anxious to get to that day and see where we are.  In the part of my heart that works to trust fully in God's will and plan I desire to enjoy the moments that we have right now, at home, with our family and friends.  

While we were at Mott Santa and Mrs Claus came to visit (as well as many friends and family!).  Please continue to send your prayer requests to us!  As we light the pink candle at Mass tomorrow we will covet each moment of JOY that the Lord sends our way and leave the future and all it's worries to Him.  

 

Advent Week 2 {Cecilia's Current Plan}

 It's hard to believe that Advent is already half over.   Our family is living in the middle of what seems to be "Ad-Lent".  It's a roller coaster of events and emotions.  Moments of frantic celebration, peaceful quiet, the sounds and smells of Christmas around us.  Anticipation of Christmas Day is in the little one's faces.  I'm learning to appreciate the imperfect moments that come because we never know when we will lose the moments to IV poles and lengthy hospital stays.  Lessons hard learned this year.  Christmas will come no matter where we are, of course.  Jesus reigns regardless of the circumstances of our daily lives but my normal continues to feel shaken and unbalanced which is hard to grasp even in the best of times.  

As it stands today (and the schedule seems to be ever changing) Cecilia and I will go to the hospital tomorrow for a few days.  She has requested a shorter dose of chemo, three days vs five, and that request will be honored.  She will have scans 12/26 to see if the current chemo is working.  We are praying that her health is stronger than last time and that we will be home for Christmas.  I will enter my 51st year of life on a hospital couch near my courageous daughter surrounded by the warriors who are our doctors and nurses.  Our lives are so vastly different now than they were one year ago.  The things that used to seem so hard are just not.  I am SO grateful for that part of the suffering.  

We spent the weekend celebrating St Nicholas, Lily and Amelia's dance recital, getting and decorating our Christmas tree and preparing our home and hearts for Jesus.  

Home and What's Next

After an extremely difficult few days Cecilia was released from the hospital early this afternoon.  She is tired and weak but very happy to be home.  Our next steps remain unclear as this chemo has taken a large toll on Cecilia's body and mind.  As we prayerfully discern we are choosing to continuously surrender to God and ask for His guidance and peace.  Our family is entering into a new kind of Advent, a new kind of life, and the realization that we have to let some things go in order to reap the blessings that God holds for us in this season.  Things will never be as they were and we do not know what is to come but we hold fast to each other and to our Faith. 

 

Yesterday Mott Hospital had a tree lighting celebration for all of the kids who were chosen for their 2025 "Little Victors" Calendar.  Being there was surreal as it's something I would have never even knew existed until this year.  There were so many brave parents and kids there and we were honored to be a part of it. 

 

I have been harassing the kids for Christmas lists and Cecilia sent me hers today.  I hope St. Nicholas brings her what she desires.  

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  This week Cecilia had to cut out two things that she had planned to attend/do in the spring and I had to scale back again on my jobs.  As we place our needs and desires at the foot of the cross we trust that what He has for us will be greater than anything we are sacrificing now.  Jesus, we trust in You!

Hope {Advent on Floor 7}

 Cecilia's official diagnoses as far as we are concerned was February 14, 2024, Ash Wednesday, the first week of. Lent.  Here we are all these months later still in our own Lent but the Liturgical Calendar says Advent begins tomorrow.  Snow was softly falling as I walked the Arb this morning.  What would on an ordinary day be a beautiful walk carried with it an almost overcoming sadness at the reality we continue to. face as a family.  

Week 1 of Advent focuses on hope.  The hope of Jesus coming to save us, coming as a helpless baby born in a stable so, so many years ago.  Where. is my hope amidst the uncertainty of the future?  Mother Mary also had an uncertain future but she fully trusted in God to provide all that she needed to care for His Son.  I have grown closer to Mary this year as I've traveled a road I have no control over.  I fully trust in God to care for His daughter Cecilia as she really is His and only in my care.  

I know He is also caring for the children at home through the generous support of friends, family, people we have never met.  It's humbling and comforting.  It is an unusual feeling for me to surrender the control of my home to others.  If I'm honest I don't like it at all.  I'm a do - er.  A St Martha at my core only I haven't hit the point of full conversion yet.  But the Lord is gently leading me through this Lent/Advent and fills me with hope when I need it the most.  

This morning Cecilia is still running a temperature.  They still don't really know what is causing it all.  She's very tired, sometimes weary, but manages a smile now and again.  As I sit in the dark hospital room typing this I wish things were different but know that the Lord has a big, beautiful plan that I cannot see right now.  

The Advent decorations, the gifts, the wrapping, the tree, lights, and all the things will have to wait this year as we discover the true meaning of Advent and wait in "joyful hope" for Jesus to arrive.

The St Andrew Christmas Novena begins today.  Please know as we pray this Novena we will be holding all of your intentions spoken and unspoken close to our hearts.  For more information about this Novena click HERE.

Emergency Room Update

 

We made it through most of Thanksgiving but Cecilia started to go downhill last evening.  No fever then but very tired and uncomfortable.   We had an appt already at 8 am for labs/possible (probable) transfusion but when she arrived her temperature was 103.2 so she was transferred to the ER.  We are awaiting lab results and then we will know what our next steps are.  Please pray for her, for the kids at home, and for all of us as we navigate this path yet again.  Lily is so used to it that she doesn't even cry when I leave anymore.  She just wants to know how long I'll be gone.  That is both a relief and heartbreaking at the same time.  For now please continue to pray for her and we are praying for you!

Giving Thanks

 This morning at Mass we were reminded that even in the midst of the hardest of times there is always something to be grateful for.  We are definitely thankful for all of you and the prayers, support, meals, and love that you have given us in the past 10 months.  It's hard for me to comprehend that we have been on this journey for nearly a year but here we are with no real end in sight.  This year the holidays and all the things hit different with the realization that none of us are given a "next year" or even a tomorrow.  I am not one who has ever been good at living in the moment.  Hosting such a large crowd is a big job from start to finish and beyond so stopping to enjoy it has never been much of a priority for me. I can't say I've had a big shift in my perspective or my temperament but I do try to be more present to those who I am serving than I used to be.  We were all together last night for Jackson's birthday and today for Thanksgiving.  It was a whirlwind as always but one that I appreciated more than ever.  I used to have high ideals and wanted all to be "perfect" but those ideals have been replaced by a greater appreciation for family and friends.  There is only One who is perfect and only one perfect "home" which is Heaven.  The rest will always fall short but this day was pretty great anyway.  Happy Thanksgiving friends!  Cecilia is doing well.  Maybe a transfusion will be needed in the next few days but for now we are at home.  There is laughter and tears and loud moments and quiet moments.  Nothing so far in my life has prepared me for these days but the Lord sustains me.  He is so, so good.  Happy Thanksgiving friends!  Thank you for being here.  We are praying for you!