7QT On The Last Friday In May

The last day and last Friday in May!  It's so hard to believe. Bring on June.  We're inching closer to August which is where I need to be!

1)  Hannah and Katie are in our homeschool co ops production of "The Miracle Worker".  We saw the show last night and it was fabulous!

2) I took five of the kids to Trader Joe's with me this morning.  On the good side a woman stopped me while driving to say she loved our fish on the back of the van (we have 11 small ones plus 2 big ones).  On the bad side we really live in a kid hating society.  I went to the store early and the kids were absolutely perfect yet we still received a whole lot of judgment and stink eye.  FIVE I had only FIVE with me.  Oy.  Anyway I let them each pick a bottle of root beer for being so well behaved.  That's what they are drinking above.

3)  Josie at Greenfield Village.  It was such a beautiful day and she's a runner.

4) Josie again reading to her baby at bedtime.  She's a bit on the high maintenance side but wow is she cute.

5)  Glitter Playdough.  That is all.

6)  "Walking the puppy" can be a challenge at times.  He's a bit on the lazy side.

7)  Lots of on and off rain this week which I don't mind.  It cools things off a bit and I love the sound of rain.

On to the weekend...Have a blessed one!

When Life Isn't What You Thought {Where I Ask For Grace And Not Judgment}

I admire those women who make mothering look fabulous.  They are calm, content, and happy.  Even amidst chaos and hard times they glow with the beauty of motherhood.  I am not that mom.  I spent the morning perusing online degrees searching for something more.  I never finished my degree and for some reason feel that adding full time studies on top of schooling and raising 11 kids is sane....It's not.  It's not a reality.  Where did the last 20 years go anyway?  I remember when I "took a semester off" to have Hannah.  That semester off turned into forever off and for some reason it has left a void.

Don't hate on me, please.  Don't tell me how blessed I am to have 11 healthy children, a nice home, food to eat, and a husband that works outside the home.  I know all of those things.  But back then, back when I took that semester off, I was a different person.  I thought I'd have a few kids (at most) and head back to what I really wanted to do - have an outside life that included a job, lunches out, maybe a pedicure now and again.  I had done the single mom thing already and knew I could work a job and mother and clean and cook and do laundry.  I never expected to fall off of my horse and get banged in the head by God who led me in a direction that I didn't really want to go.

There's barely money for groceries now so pedicures are out.  There's sometimes time at the end of the day to read a page or two of my latest book.  I get fancy lunches at the Coney Island compliments of my generous parents for which I am very grateful.  This job, this unrecognized by society,  thought of as the lowest of the low in most circles job has truly gutted me of all I once thought of as important.  I might be feeling sorry for myself or I might be admitting  the awesomeness of God and how He can take our strongest desires and make them something else, something to serve others and not ourselves.

I'm no longer young with a long life of choices ahead of me.  My next twenty years will be the same as the last 20.  Homeschooling, laundry, cooking, cleaning, mothering, changing diapers, being a wife, and trying to etch out time for the One Who loves me most.  Something in me still yearns for a recognition I know I'm not supposed to want or need.  I was once grumbling at the kitchen sink doing dishes and Brandon walked in saying "treasure in Heaven mommy, treasure in Heaven".  I mumble that to myself now because it was years ago and he's moved on with his own life.  I wonder if I'll make it to purgatory much less Heaven after all the yelling I did yesterday but we'll see....

I know these younger kids deserve what my older kids had - an enthusiastic mom that isn't afraid to use glitter or blow bubbles or pick up for a last minute trip to the zoo.  I feel my age, now, and the weight of homeschooling high schoolers, worrying about adult children, money that isn't there. 
The summer is stretching out ahead of us.  I'm hot, huge, and tired.  But I'm resolving to a different fun activity everyday even if it's just making play dough or finger painting.  Ok...maybe not everyday.  I'll shoot for three days a week.  And then hit two.  Maybe. 
This life isn't what I thought it would be.  My 40th year of life isn't what I thought it would be.  I know in my heart it's better.  Now if I could only get my mind to agree.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:21

 

Gratitude Sunday

Hurray for summer!  It's a little chilly but I like it that way.
I'm grateful for brothers and sisters and family.

 

Yes, we went to Greenfield Village again.  It's "Civil War Days" and I couldn't resist.

 

 

For learning and teaching and for just being...all gifts, all blessings.

 

 

 

For smiles and giggles and contemplations.

Here's hoping there are more "just being" days ahead.  Soccer is nearly over and so is the girl's co op play.  I'm ready to kick back and just *be*. 

It's Gratitude Sunday....Link Up if you wish.   I have found the hard times much easier to take when I count my blessings no matter how "small" they seem to be at the time.

 

Field Tripping In 3 Hours.....

We had a coupon that expired tomorrow for the Cranbrook Institute of Science.  I considered just letting it go but then thought that would be a waste.
So we left the laundry, Mother of Divine Grace Evaluations, dishes, and dinner prep and off we went.  After a stop off at Trader Joe's for picnic treats and convincing the lovely woman at the front desk that, yes, these were all my "actual" children....we took in what we could in our limited time (Hannah and Katie had to get back for play practice).

 

 

We picnicked on the lovely grounds (even though it was hot and muggy).

 

 

Walked the fountain area....

 

More exploring....

 

 

 

 

A run through the sprinklers on the way back to the van and a 40 minute ride home where all the small people slept and recharged....back home.  Girls are off to play practice and I'm considering getting up off the couch.  Maybe.

 

So grateful to spend moments like these with the kids on a whim.  It's one of my favorite things about homeschooling.  The children have requested that daddy come next time, though.  He's way more fun than I am...it's true.  And I'm OK with that.

Drowning

I took a deep breath and braved it with trusted friends.  I said "I'm drowning."  I figured they would either think I was a baby, placate me, or hold my hand and say "me too".  They said the third choice and we chatted about how hard it is to be a mom and how admitting things are hard seems to not be allowed.  Especially in our circle of moms that is open to life if we say things are hard or we can't keep up then other folks point fingers and say things like "well, you know how babies are made, right?".  So we say nothing and suffer alone thinking we are the only ones who can't manage 5 loads of laundry everyday, producing meals that are affordable, healthy, and on time 3 times per day for 6, 8, 10, 12 people.  We figure that homeschooling is harder for us because we aren't good  enough or smart enough or that other people can function on two hours of sleep per night but we are weak. 
It's a curious thing being completely depleted of all resources yet immensely grateful for what we have.  I lay in bed and am grateful for a bed, a home, food to put in my children's bellies yet I'm SO TIRED.  "Time to stop" that's what I hear from the outside world but the only Voice that I can listen to is God's.  So I travel through the days wondering how I'll make it through the next.  To my friends I say "don't worry about the house and get take out" but to me I say "try harder".  I feel guilty for screen time and lunches of crackers and cheese.  Often I feel that because we have chosen to have more children that I have to try harder to "prove" that I can keep up.  Well, here you have it.  I'm drowning and I can't keep up.  Judge away.  This summer we will travel at our own pace and I will be OK with it.  Feel free to drop in for a snow cone but I will not have a clean home most likely and I'll be on the back couch playing the iPad or reading. 
We all drown sometimes.  If you're a mom that's drowning be honest with other moms.  I promise that they (most anyway) will make you feel better.  After all, in the end we won't be judged on our homes or meals or how clean our vehicles are (thank goodness!), we will be judged on how we love.

I know I've used this quote before but I need the reminder :

“In the evening of life we will be judged on love alone”

St. John of the Cross

 

Gratitude Sunday

It's hot and I've spent most of the afternoon sitting in front of a fan that isn't really helping...So just a series of pictures here.  Today I'm grateful that we scored another awesome dog.

He waited and waited and waited for her to finish that ice cream....

And waited

And more waiting....

Until she finally gave him the cone.  He was gentle when he took it and refused to actually eat it until she put it on the ground.  Jesse makes fun of me because I'm a dog freak now.  But with this many kids and those that visit we need a good and gentle dog.

This laptop is creating heat so I'm off.  Have a great week everyone!