On Passing Judgement

She's outside in just a diaper.  Again.  That 2 year old will NOT keep her clothes on for anything.  If it gets so much as a drop of water on it then off it goes.  I wonder what people walking by think.  I usher her inside and put more clothes on her.  Out she goes to join her siblings in the yard (barefoot, of course) and I continue with the rest of the dinner preparations.  I peek outside.  She only has a diaper on. Again.  "I didn't like the flower shirt" she says.  And I wonder what people walking by will think.
You see, I used to be one of those people.  My kids were perfectly dressed (usually matching) right down to the shoes and socks.  I would look at other people and think "What is wrong with them?  Their kids don't even match themselves much less each other. And WHERE are their shoes???"  Sometimes the kids would be eating a sucker or drinking something with red food dye in it.  I would give myself an invisible pat on the back because my children (this is when I had 4) only drank organic fruit juice squeezed by yours truly.  Or they drank water (which truly is still the case).  I had perfectly planned days with a certain number of minutes outside and inside. There was no TV and only educational computer time which lasted for 30 minutes, maybe.  Our lives were scripted and controlled.  Or were they?

I was one unhappy mama.  I looked around at the chaos of other families and still prided myself on my organization but it was a tough life.  Especially when babies 5, 6, and 7 arrived.  It was really hard to run a military home with 7 kids and homeschooling.  Suddenly I looked around (pregnant with baby 8) and my kids didn't match. Their clothes didn't even fit.  And WHERE were all the socks????   Then other things kind of slipped away - routine, controlling every morsel of food that entered my children's mouths, and sometimes they watched a DVD or two.  Or ten.  Depending on how bad the morning sickness was that day.  You know what happened?  Nothing.  No one exploded or turned into a toad.  Everyone was happy.  The giant birthday parties that were perfectly planned Martha Stewart style stopped and no one cared.  We had lopsided cakes on our regular plastic plates and it was OK.  The laundry wasn't folded perfectly and placed into lined drawers that were labeled.  No one died.  The kids didn't wear coats or hats or boots some days (because they chose not to) and it was OK.  Now people judge me.  I see it.  "Look at the lady with ALL THOSE kids.  She can't even put coats on them."  But "all those" kids are happy and polite and can pray a rosary on their own when they are 5 years old.  I dare say those things are more important than matching socks (or socks at all). 

I no longer spend time picking out the splinter in other people's eyes.  Lord knows my beam is BIG enough for me to chip away at for a lifetime.  What's it to me anyway?  So what if all their kids match or don't match or what they eat or don't eat?  My 7 year old fed my 9 month old a red dye snow cone yesterday.  AND SHE LOVED IT!  A steady diet of junk in this house?  Not on your life.  But instead of judging the moms (or dads) now I think "Maybe they had a bad day.  Maybe they are having a celebration.  Maybe they are just plum worn out and couldn't get pants on that 1 year old to save their lives".   Instead of pointing fingers I try to smile, offer a kind word, or help if I can.  Passing judgement on others may make us feel *good* in the short run but, really, it's usually our consciences telling us we need to work more on ourselves.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Matthew 7: 1 - 6

Memorial Day

It was HOT but the Village was calling so we went.  Grandma and Grandpa came with us. It was a short trip but a fun one.  We ended up in the museum after I declared I couldn't go on any longer.  Morning sickness and humidity do NOT mix well. God bless my ancestors who were working in the fields while they felt like this....I'm definitely not tough enough for that kind of thing. 

I wish I had a picture of my dad in his Vietnam Vet hat and shirt.  He got thanked by patrons at the Village and I was proud.  We all were.  God bless the Veterans and God Bless America!

 

Gratitude Sunday - Welcome Summer

Summer is here and the kids are having a blast!  I'm not the biggest fan of summer, to be honest.  I don't do the heat well and this is my 6th summer in a row pregnant.  But the kids (and Jesse) sure do enjoy all that comes with summer.  I do like the sleeping in part and the no school or activities part too.
 

Hannah and Owen were in the play "Arsenic and Old Lace" this weekend with our homeschool co op.  It was one of the best "off Broadway" plays I've seen so far.  I really enjoyed it!  So for successful plays (and they are doing another (Little Women) next weekend!

 

For a movie date with Jesse, healthy kids, friends, family, laughter, snow cones, another week of pregnancy down!!, love, the BIRTHDAY of the Church!!, freedom (thank you to our Military past and present!), for all of this and so much more I am truly grateful!

Sometimes

Sometimes I grab moments because it's all I can do.

The chaos could overshadow the joy if I let it.  But sometimes I just sit in the rocking chair on the front porch and nothing else matters but them.....

 

Because if I think too much or look around too closely I'll find the drama, stress, mess, and the pure weight that rests on my shoulders some days.  But when I look closer I find the joy and laughter, hugs and kisses instead.

I hope they will grow and remember the good times we had.  I hope I am teaching them to be grateful and to focus on the positive.  I'm learning that trick myself after too many years.  So sometimes I have to just sit, close my eyes, and give thanks.

 

The Next Right Thing - 1000th Post

Here it is - my 1000th blog post!  Who knew I had such a big mouth? (Don't answer that, please).  Life is falling apart here.  My morning sickness is compounded by a nasty cold and my two biggest helpers are in the middle of a two week "tech week" for two different plays coming up.  Jesse was called home from work yesterday and I spent 14 hours in bed.  The "end of school year" just ended abruptly with little fanfare.  The house looks like a bomb went off. With three little girls 5 and under that like to change their clothes 47 times/day, a teething baby, and 6 other kids besides I'm drowning.  I got up this morning at 5:30 a.m. and headed downstairs to get something and burst into tears.  Dishes, laundry (all over the floor, overflowing from baskets), toys, unvacuumed rugs, dirty bathrooms.....it was enough for me to run back upstairs and literally cry myself back to sleep.  When I woke back up and ventured down it was as if fairies had arrived.  Someone (Hannah) had run the laundry, picked up, folded the laundry, and done the dishes.  I did what all overly hormonal women would do at this point and I started bawling.  Poor Hannah thought I'd lost my mind.  Her "next right thing" changed the outlook of my whole day.

That got me thinking about life, in general, and life raising 10 plus children.  If I look at the big picture I hyperventilate.   None of it seems possible - the feeding, clothing, schooling, driving, religious education, raising them to be good, productive members of society.  Never mind the financial aspects, the laundry, house cleaning, and spending time together.  I think I figured out a number of years ago that I had to just do the next right thing.  Jesse says that's the subject in a book he read recently by Matthew Kelly.  It makes so much sense.  How often do we make a couple of "bad decisions" and then it snowballs because we think "well, I already screwed up so....".  Applying the concept of "the next right thing" to my home has really changed things for me.  I feel like death 95% of the time right now.  That leaves 5% of the time when I'm OK.  In that time I take 10 minute blocks and do the next right thing.  I fold a load of laundry, read a story to someone, vacuum a rug, or check a paper.  I pay some bills, answer some emails, or do work for our home school co op.  Even when there are 1000 things to do and after 10 minutes 999 things still need to be done I feel better.  My prayer life often goes down hill quickly in my first trimester.  I think part of it (in my immature way) is harboring a grudge towards God for making this SO hard.  Yes, every life is a gift and I'm elated beyond belief each time I get a positive pregnancy test but the reality is I have TEN other people to care for, plus Jesse.  Doing that when you feel top notch is hard enough but when you feel like you have the stomach flu all the time it makes it feel like you're walking in quicksand.  In past pregnancies I've just stopped praying.  I've omitted prayer time in the name of exhaustion or being overwhelmed.   That is a BIG mistake.  I need God.  I need Him when I'm sick more than when I'm well.  I figured out that it's OK to go to Him and say "this is hard, Lord, please lift me up."  It's OK to cry.  I have often felt guilty because we are so abundantly blessed with babies.  I feel like I have no place complaining of morning sickness, back aches, or swollen feet.  But the reality is that God wants us to come to Him.  So my "next right thing" is to pray just a decade of the rosary where I used to pray a full one (and will again) or hitting two prayer times for the liturgy of the hours instead of all of them.  I say a "Thank you Jesus" when I walk by the ultra sound picture on the refrigerator.  It helps lift my spirit, it really does.  It makes a difference.

I spend alot of time beating myself up about my past mistakes but that helps no one. I need to remember that  I can only go forward to that next right thing.

"It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them."

2Peter2:21

Gratitude Sunday

I'm short and sweet this Sunday - a fussy baby plus a queasy mommy doesn't leave much time but I have to remember to count my blessings no matter what!

For first bike rides (and getting it right immediately!)
And first frappacinos made by mommy....

For the kiddie pool being out for the first time this year.....

 

For yummy steaks cooked on the grill (and baked potatoes to go with them!), for sunshine and warmth and mostly healthy kids......for the week that past and the week ahead, Sunday Mass, meals shared with family and friends, safety, lemonade, bubbles, fresh air, green grass, jobs accomplished.....for all of this and so much more I am grateful!

Weekend Update - Changes On the Horizon

We attended a choir concert for Hannah, Owen, and Katie a few days ago.  Elegant dresses, beautiful voices, and lots of spunk made for a nice evening.

 

 

Because Jesse does things like this :

I feel obligated to wear shirts like this :

Also, I took a HUGE leap and enrolled in an ONLINE CHARTER SCHOOL for next school year.  It will be the four children who are in grades K - 8.  I'm a bit nervous but also feel like this is a good direction for us to go in.  We will continue to supplement with our beloved Mother of Divine Grace work and our fabulous Latin tutor in addition to our homeschool co op, music lessons, and other outside activities.  With the new baby arriving (God willing) in late December it will be nice to have some back-up for me.  I will be the proud mama of 5 children 5 years old and under plus six older than that.  It promises to be a challenging yet exciting year, I think.  For now we are basically finished with our studies and plan to enjoy the summer.  I'm hopeful that I will be feeling better within the next few weeks and can get outside to enjoy the weather with the kids.  Jesse and the kids did some yard work and outside touch ups so we're looking a little better around here. The inside isn't looking so good but it will...someday. We still have 2 plays to go and soccer to finish up before our official summer vacation starts.  For Clare,however, bringing out the bubble machine means summer is here.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Josie Posie - 9 Months Old!!!

She's getting harder to contain for her photo shoots but here she is in all her glory.....

 

 

Nine months goes WAY faster when they are on the outside than it does when they are on the inside. 

 

Thoughts on a Thursday

I'm a mess.  The house is a mess,  the pictures on the wall aren't even straight anymore.  I'm drowning in what seems like 5,000 activities and morning sickness that lasts most of the day and night.  I've outsourced feeding the baby to the 5 year old and the laundry to the 7 year old.  The 2 year old went to her siblings violin class today with no pants or shoes. That's the kind of day I'm having. 

The little girls might be out on the deck right now mixing bubbles and water from the hose to create a slip and slide on the deck which will certainly result in splinters.  They won't listen to reason and no one has been injured yet.  Pregnancy shuts my brain down completely.  I cannot make decisions.  I have always been that way.  It's like my entire being has to focus itself on growing the human being inside of me and everything else can just wait. 

It seems like everything suffers when I'm in early pregnancy (and late pregnancy but we won't think about that right now).  Jesse, however, steps up to the plate nicely.  He's adding chores to his morning routine before work and is readily available when I demand ice water and popcorn and ridiculous hours of the night.  There's little doubt in my mind why God gave him 11 children.  Me, on the other hand, well....I'll need to think on that one.  The other day I got the biggest bouquet of flowers I've ever received from a dear friend that I haven't seen in WAY too long.  There was a beautiful card with them as well.  Isnt' it amazing how God puts people in our lives just when we need them?  I felt like Ms. America when I lifted them off of the bench on the front porch (we weren't home when she dropped them off).  I'd been outside (and sick) all day but as I carried these around the house with me I had my head held high. Someone thought of ME.  Wow.  Amid the sticky floors and unfolded laundry these flowers brought beauty to our home.

 Then today a "belated" Mother's Day gift arrived from Amazon thanks to Jesse.  I've toyed with the idea of getting "real" dishes for a long time. They are so not necessary but the colors are fun and they seem (to me) fancy.  Currently we drink from mason jars and mayonnaise jars.  We eat off of old chipped plates and a mish mash of other things we've collected over the years. Dinner is absolutely sacred in our house (minus a few weeks per year when the kids are preparing for plays). We eat together 98% of the time.  Why not make it special?  These plates are supposedly restaurant grade so we'll see if they hold up to the Ekblad crew.  I started with only four dinner plates with many, many more items on my Amazon wish list.  Again, the mess around seems non existent as my new plates bring color into our home.  I dare say I feel a tad "grown up".  And as this week of craziness ends with the weekend and next week promising to be more crazy I am counting my blessings once again.  Now back to the baby who I bribed with a ginger snap so I could get this written. An (almost) 9 month old with a ginger snap gives new meaning to the word "messy".  Happy Thursday everyone!

 

Defining Family

Recently a friend brought to my attention that our local zoo (the Detroit Zoo) has a "cap" on what defines a family.  You may have no more than six children on your "family" membership.  You can, however, have your "significant other" (as in not your spouse but lives with you) person on the membership.  Jesse emailed the zoo and they told him it costs them too much to just let any number of children in whether they are all in the same family or not.  Really?  .03% of the entire WORLD population has a family with 10 children.  That's in the whole world!  How many try to get memberships at the Detroit Zoo?  Quite honestly I don't even like zoos and I really don't like the Detroit one so while it was irritating we let it go.

I got an email today for FREE entry into a local indoor play place (Jungle Java) for your WHOLE family one time in the month of May.  The fine print reads that you may not have more than 4 children.  Really?  Again, are they going to lose so much money on the very few larger families that enter their doors?  I'm wondering what would happen if you replaced "same sex parents not allowed" with "no more than 4 or 6 children allowed in a family"?  Or "you must have AT LEAST 4 children".  Seems to me that would be discrimination.  Who defines a family anyway?  Last time I checked we lived in a grossly politically correct country.  No one is allowed to say who or even what makes up a "family" yet twice in a week my family is "too big" and, apparently, costs the zoo "too much".  I'm sure this is of no consequence to most people but it really is a slap in the face to those of us who have more than a couple of kids.  Our FAMILY deserves to be recognized as just that - a family.  Our choice to bring as many children into the world as God sees fit.  Just like those people with no children or 2 or 4 have also chosen to do.

Ah well, I know a special place where we won't have too many children to enter and that's Heaven.  God willing we'll all be there together someday.

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him."
Psalm 127:3