These Special Days {Happy 4th Birthday Josie}

Josephine turned 4 last Tuesday (August 18).  We try to make birthdays as special as we can for our kids.  I often have mommy guilt because there are so many children that each one won't feel special even though, to us, they are all unique and we are amazingly blessed to have them for our children.  This year for Josie's birthday we took the kids, my parents, and our niece and nephew to the Imagination Station in Toledo.  I told the story, again, about the first time we went there (it was called COSI then and it was on Owen's 3rd birthday so it's been over 14 years since we first attended!) and how Owen wouldn't leave the front ball area.  He loves that story so if you see him ask him about it :)

Through the years I have spent countless hours at this science museum with the kids.  It's well worth the drive if you're in the area.  We purchase a family membership that easily pays for itself after one or two visits.

We finished off the day with dinner and cake at home.  Sweet Josie had a special birthday, I think, and now we head into Fall craziness, back to homeschooling, co op, sports, and pumpkin spiced lattes.  Little Augustine will be turning 1! soon.  These special days are gone in the blink of an eye.  Trying to balance savoring them with getting through them while being grateful for God's Grace in all of the chaos.

Restored : True Stories Of Love And Trust After Porn {A Book Review}

Every once in a while God urges people to do the tough stuff.  Writing a blog about pornography ranks up there with the "tough stuff" for me.  After the recent news of the "affair" website Ashley Madison being hacked and 40 million user's information being leaked God gave me a giant push.  In that same day I was asked to review the newest book by Matt and Cameron Fradd published by Catholic Answers (Restored : True Stories About Love And Trust After Porn) about marriages obliterated by pornography addictions and how those marriages were restored by God's Grace (and a lot of work on the part of both spouses).  With more than 90% of regular church attending Christian men admitting to viewing pornography within the last month it would seem that this book would be a hope and comfort to many, many marriages.   I was told by a priest recently that from what he is hearing in the confessional pornography is the greatest moral evil of our time.  Sure we hear on TV and in the media that it isn't hurting anyway, is normal, we may even hear it's good for our sex lives.  But the fact is that pornography has many, many victims.  First the women (or often times girls and many times trafficked women and men) are being forced into this industry against their will.  They are victims.  Second the men (and increasingly women) who are viewing pornography are at the very least destroying their brains and at worst destroying their souls with the fallout being broken marriages, families, and relationships.  As spouses navigate this dark road, often times alone because the shame of pornography leaves them too afraid to reach out for help, their children are often left in the chaos.  Many marriages end.  Children are left in broken homes. 

In case you might be thinking I'm just a moral fuddy duddy and porn isn't bad for you because you're not a Christian or there's no scientific research proving otherwise a quick google search ( I don't recommend a google search involving the word pornography if you don't have internet security) can tell you otherwise. Increasingly secular and scientific research is showing that pornography changes your brain and ruins your relationships (not just with your spouse but also your ability to relate well to any other non 2d images).  The book Wired For Intimacy has great information about how porn ruins your brain.  Websites are popping up all over such as Pornography Harms and Matt Fradd's The Porn Effect on the destruction that pornography is causing in our culture, how to get help, and stories of true healing.   A couple of years ago Matt Fradd's book "Delivered - True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned From Porn to Purity" hit the shelves.  Delivered has stories of men and women caught in the snares of pornography and other sexual addictions and how they escaped, found true freedom, and who were brave enough to share their stories.  Courage.  That's what it takes to talk about something like the evils of pornography in a sex saturated culture that says "anything goes".  Satan tells us it's all good, it's all OK, it's all acceptable.  Yet (many) porn users do it in secret, become addicted quickly, and suffer for years if not a lifetime because of shame.  Parents think "not my kid", spouses think "not my husband/wife" but the reality is that in this culture we are carrying porn in our pockets.  You absolutely 100% can NOT ignore this issue in your homes.  Pornography addiction (or whatever you want to call it if you don't think it's a "real" addiction) cannot be prayed away.  It quickly becomes a psychological issue that requires at least some type of professional help and forever accountability.  Internet and tablet/phone securities such as Covenant Eyes offer such security, offer several levels of filtering, and I have found it extremely user friendly (when I can remember my password :) ).  Even *if* you think "I can trust my kid or my spouse" you shouldn't trust the world.  The pornography industry is targeting you and your family.  It's a multi billion dollar industry.  Pornography is the "gateway drug" and leads to other more "dangerous" behaviors.  Talk to your kids about the dangers of pornography and don't think if something isn't "hardcore porn" it's alright.  Our culture is saturated with magazines and billboards, movies and television shows that push sex in our faces 24/7.  Talk to your kids about the difference between using a person's body for your own satisfaction and respecting the human person because they are made in the image and likeness of God. 

Finally if your marriage or relationship is on this dark and often lonely road of pornography and sex addiction get the book Restored to find hope and healing. (THIS song has brought me great comfort in my marriage.  God can heal your marriage if you let Him).  Satan wants us to wallow in our shame and feel alone.  Addictions and unhealthy behaviors continue when we live in the dark.  Jesus has shown us another way.  He wants us to live life abundantly and to live in the light of His mercy.  He wants us to grant mercy and forgiveness.  It is possible.  And in light of Ashley Madison and all that goes with it please remember to grant the same grace and mercy to all those in the throws of immoral behavior.  Jesus died for all of us and who among us wants our deepest sins and secrets broadcast on the internet?  Healing can be found if it is sought and if those in need are treated with compassion. 

“My Secretary, write that I am more generous towards sinners than toward the just.  It was for their sake that I came down from heaven; it was for their sake that My blood was spilled.  Let them not fear to approach Me; they are most in need of My mercy.” - Jesus to St. Faustina in the Diary of Faustina

 

 

On Community {We Are Not Made To Be Alone}

I was blessed to attend a potluck gathering for women in the area last weekend.  It was put on by a local chapter of Blessed Is She.  If you haven't visited the Blessed Is She website you really must.  And subscribe to their daily emails.  The absolutely amazing speaker began her talk with this quote from CS Lewis :

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”

I couldn't help but think back on the last few years of my life and what living out that quote has done for me.  I'm not one to put up a front or to put on a show to look good.  My heart and soul yearn for authenticity and honesty.  And often when I am honest with others what I hear back is "What!  You too?  I thought no one but myself....."

I am seeing marriages failing and new moms are suffering from depression and more "seasoned" moms are suffering from anxiety and teens committing suicide at a rate that I don't recall seeing in the past.  Why?  I'm not discounting the cases of actual depression, anxiety, or teens who, for whatever reason, see no way out, but I know from my own experience that the moment we know that we aren't alone is the moment there is light in the end of that tunnel.  In all honesty I have yet to make it to the end of the tunnel.  I don't know that I will in this lifetime.  But I see the light.  I know it's there.  And as I head towards it I walk arm and arm with a community of sisters and brothers who have made the often tedious journey bearable.  Honesty and humility have taken down walls so that none of us have to walk alone. 

Satan is the father of lies and one of the biggest lies he tells us is that we are the only ones struggling with a particular issue.  Further he convinces us that our issues are somehow a weakness, shameful, and that we are failures.  But Jesus tells us that isn't true!  We are so loved by Him that He died for US!  All of us.  We are loved.  And deep in our hearts He has embedded a deep desire for community.  The idea of community is lost in our culture, in my experience.  We isolate in our homes away from others and often away from the people living in the same home as we are.  We have our pocket screens and TV's.  We distract and live in fantasy worlds and self medicate because we feel so alone and we are sure that if anyone really knew us, really knew our hearts, they wouldn't like us.  So come really close....can you hear me?  Come closer.  THAT ISN'T TRUE!!!!!!  Sure, there are people who might leave our lives at certain times for whatever reason.  But that's about them, not about us.  Or maybe it's time for that friendship to end (which is OK too...people do grow apart). 

 (Thanks be to God for the community all over the world who prayed this little (big) guy out of the NICU 11 months ago!  I am grateful to say he's perfectly healthy and his kidney issue is resolved.  That is the power of community and prayer!)

Men need other men to hold them accountable not just to be buddy buddy with.  They need that too but they need to hold eachother to higher standards.  Kids need strong dads, women need heroic husbands willing to turn their backs on this culture of death and filth. 

Women need other women to lift them higher, to hold them in prayer, and to keep them in line too.  Husbands need wives that build them up.  Kids need moms who dedicate time and energy to them. 

We all need eachother.  Whether your vocation is married, single, or religious life we all need the love and support of those around us.  When we try to cover up our struggles we let satan win.  And who wants satan to win?  Only satan wants that. 

My life has been turbulent.  Always blessed but turbulent.  I stumbled into those rays of Divine Mercy but only because God dragged me through.  I began as a single, teen mom.  I have walked on the most rocky of roads with my husband.  I have failed in parenting more times than I can count.  I have regret.  Sometimes I still yell and I often swear in my head (no longer out loud so at least there's that).  I have met the most amazing people in the last 41 years.  Every one has brought something valuable to my life and I thank God for them all.  I've seen and heard things I wish I could bleach out of my brain but wow God has filled my heart and mind with His abundant love. 

Dear Heavenly Father - thank You for the community of brothers and sisters that You have surrounded me with.  May they find comfort first and foremost in Your loving arms and may they be blessed with the lives of one another so that they never, ever feel alone.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen

Learning To Take It One Step At A Time

Frances (2) loves the stairs.  She has been an independent stair climber pretty much since she started walking.  Of course she usually chooses the side of the stairs that doesn't have a railing and nearly causes me cardiac arrest at least once a day.  But she also likes holding my hand as we climb up or down the stairs.  In the last few weeks I've noticed that she insists on trying to go up and down skipping a step.  She almost always falls.  The other day I heard myself say "Frances, you have to take it one step at a time."  And that one sentence hit me hard.  In my life I've been known to try and skip a step or two.  Rushing to get to the next thing I miss what's in the now, I skip steps, and nearly every time I fall.  "Amy" God says "You have to take it one step at a time."  But I like things to go quickly, I like to get to the next step, the next day, the next good thing or to hurry up and get through the hard things (or skip the hard things all together).  Psalm 37:23 says "The steps of man are established by the Lord" and as a Christian I believe that God has laid out my whole life - step by step.  When I skip steps I am missing out on something valuable that the Lord, Himself, had intended for me.  It's like saying "I don't really trust you, Lord, so I'm going to skip that step and do it my way".  And while I also believe that God can work all things for good, even those skipped steps, I am becoming more and more convicted that skipping His plans makes my life less fulfilled than it was intended to be. 

Last week at Vacation Bible School I was reminded that Jesus died on the cross not so that I could have an OK life here on earth as a hold out for heaven, if I make it there, but so that I could LIVE LIFE ABUNDANTLY.  Abundant life.  When I skip steps it makes it hard to live life abundantly.  Rushing through life as though it's a race or an emergency robs me of the beauty that's all around me, even in the chaos that is this life.  Getting ahead of myself can only cause fear, anxiety, and doubt (in abundance) and I don't think that's the kind of abundant life Jesus wants for us.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."  John 10:10 

 

 

When people find out that we have a dozen children their eyes often widen at the thought.  I have to remind them that we didn't go from zero children to twelve.  We took it one step at a time.  And God gives us the Graces we need for whatever steps we have to take when we need them.  We get lots of questions about paying for college, cars, clothes, food...I won't say I haven't lost sleep over these things in the past.  I have.  I have worried about how we will provide Christmas gifts and birthday celebrations or how we will put shoes on all of their feet and ours.  We've had car issues (our current big van is too small for all of us).  But always, always, always God has provided.  Maybe not in the way we wanted (like our van is still too small but rides have always been available when we all needed to go somewhere together) and the generosity of others should never be underestimated. 

While a life outline is important it's also important to write that outline in pencil leaving ample space for God's Will and not our own.  Sometimes steps that God makes us go through are dark and painful.  In my life I have found that those very steps, the darkest ones, have provided that richest harvest in the end.  When Jesse and I were married we skipped some serious steps thinking we could figure it all out on our own.  We couldn't and we didn't.  At lest not then.  But when we both surrendered to the will of God and stopped skipping steps we were able to really stand behind all that we professed to believe.  As we enter this new phase of our marriage and attempt to get a make shift marriage ministry off the ground we remind each other to turn to God first and to not skip steps or rush it.  God's timing is always perfect. 

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."
Psalm 119:105