Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...."  I've always loved that song but as they sang the words today they held much more meaning then they ever had before.  As we followed the map to the church for mass this morning before the religious freedom rally I passed familiar places.  They were places from my "past life" as I like to refer to it.  Places where I had wandered around in the darkness searching for Truth.  Has it really been 16 years since I traveled these roads looking to fill my heart and soul with all the wrong things?  In my mind's eye I saw myself walking to parties, friend's places, jobs, classes, bars looking.....always looking.  But they left me empty, always.  I was always searching for More.

Most startling to me on this trek was the location of the church we attended this morning.  It literally backed up to a friend's apartment where I had spent countless hours and days.  I had walked the streets, driven by, and I never, NEVER noticed this place. This beautiful place that could have held all of my answers if I wouldn't have been so blind, so lost.

 

As I reflected on the beauty of this church, the pure magnificent wonder of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, my family sitting next to me, baby on my back, toddler on my lap, and my 7 year old grabbing my hand I felt a mixture of gratitude and shame.  What had I done to the One Who had done so much for me?  I had walked by this place, His house, and never even noticed.  I hadn't thought of Him as I participated in activities that I knew were wrong. Activities that I thought would fill me up, show me that there was meaning in my life, that I was important, special, good. 

 

But I didn't need those activities (which weren't good, anyway) to show me my worth.  I needed to only walk through these giant, wooden doors and fall on my knees in THANKSGIVING.  I didn't know that my Father was the King of Kings and that *I* was His princess.  I wonder how many times I "walk by" other opportunities to be His princess?  To let Him fill me up?  So today as I was blessed to receive His body and blood I asked Him for more.  "Jesus, give me more of You" I prayed.  I pray that others, when they look at me, will see Jesus and not me.  I pray that I never walk around blind and in the dark again.  And I am so grateful that He pulled me out of such a worldly life and drew me, again, to Himself.

"I once was lost but now am found.  Was blind but now I see."