When Counting Blessings is a Struggle

I'm sleep deprived and stressed.  Tomorrow marks 2 weeks of Lent.  For all that has happened so far I feel as though we should be in Holy Week already.  And today I find myself struggling to count the blessings. 

God come to my assistance,

Lord make haste to help me

I feel trampled on.  I've allowed the world to seep in and destroy my peace.  Why do I do that?  I've lost sight of my "domestic church" and I care too much what other people think and say. 

 If you had been of the world, the world would love its own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. (John 15:19)

Why am I so driven to be accepted?  To be loved or even liked?  I'm surrounded by friends and family that accept me and love me for who I am.  I have many little people who hand out smiles and hugs for free.  Yet I focus on hate talk spewed from far away.

Blessed are all they that put their trust in HIM (Psalms 2 : 12)

 I wish away the sunshine because it reveals the dirt on the floor and the dust on the shelves.  And the SON shines on me revealing my sins.  But HE also reveals my beauty.  My worth in HIS eyes.  No one else's opinion of me truly matters.  The earth is not our home.  The Saints worked without ceasing in this world to make it to Heaven.  That should be our only desire.  MY only desire.  The voices of others circle in my head because I allow the evil one to let them.  But those words and accusations hold no real meaning if I don't let them.

Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your kindness.

(Psalms 31:17)

I count again my blessings.  A text from Brandon, friends who understand, a husband that gives up fun trips to care for his family instead, praise and worship music filling my head and heart, children giggling, singing, sharing with excitement new talents.

"It's good to be 5, mom" Mary said.

I waited for reasons, explanations but she continued singing and drawing.  She's just happy in herself.  She doesn't care that 5 isn't as old as 7 or 10 or 15.  It's just good to be 5.  Good to be where she is.  Where God has put her.  I continue to learn from these little ones.  Another blessing in this extraordinary life of mine.

The one who calls you is faithful, and he will also accomplish it.

(1 Thessalonians 5:24)