On Not Fitting In

I walked by the giant windows of Kohl's and caught my reflection.  Long, denim skirt, tshirt, floppy sweater, beat up sandals and a baby on my back.  I was carrying a dirty cloth bag and my hair was up but falling out.  "Gosh, I don't fit" I thought.  I'm not modern or normal.  For a minute I glanced at the "blouses" and silky skirts through the window(above the knee...it's just not my thing).  Heels?  Nylons?  No and no.  I moved on to Old Navy where I purchased the cheapest tshirts I could find.  They'll be stained and holey in no time, anyway.  But I don't mind.  They're new and I'm blessed to have them.   I walked through Target with Jesse and stopped at the Mrs. Meyer's cleaning products.  I started smelling them and said I'd like the lemon kitchen spray for a *treat* one day.  Again I think "I'm weird.  Who asks for kitchen spray for a treat?"  He looked at me funny and I explained that I already have water and Dr. Bronners (I treated myself to the orange oil Dr. B's this time!) and kitchen spray is certainly NOT an essential.  Last night at Trader Joe's (wow.  I have shopped alot in two days...totally not normal for me) I saw a woman that looked like she had a fair amount of plastic surgery.  I noticed because she was dressed in a way that made it impossible NOT to notice.  I always feel especially small around women dressed to the nine's (or undressed to the nine's) and who appear perfect.  I'm a mess, most days.  I lamented to some friends about the woman in Trader Joe's and said that my self esteem is way too low.  "I'm thinking that woman has low self esteem too" one of them said.  Yes, of course, she's right.  She must.  Why else would someone spend so much time and money on themselves when, sorry to say, we all get old.  Beauty (outward) fades no matter how many times you pay someone to make you look better.  Inward beauty is what matters most, right?  So as I walked by those windows and my baby chirped "ma ma ma ma ma" on my back I thought about how blessed I am.  It doesn't matter that I don't fit, that I'm not modern, or considered successful in the eyes of the world.  To the baby on my back I'm everything.  More importantly I'm a servant of God.  I need to worry more about how my insides look than my outside.  Another friend often reminds me that as followers of Jesus Christ we aren't supposed to fit in this world.  A message I too easily forget when I focus more on how I look than I should.
 As for the Mrs.Meyers - I hope the Easter Bunny puts some in my basket.
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